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101 Silly Math Jokes and Puns to Make Students Laugh Like Crazy

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Written by Ryan Juraschka

Reviewed by Joshua Prieur, Ed.D.

Engage and motivate your students with our adaptive, game-based learning platform!

  • Teacher Resources
  • Multiplication / Division

Why was the geometry book so adorable? Because it had  acute angles.

Okay...I admit that was corny, but we all know math isn’t always the most exciting subject to teach. That means you have to find strategies to make lessons fun, like gamification in the classroom ,  math puzzles or — in this case — math jokes that will lighten the mood and brighten the vibe in your classroom.

And besides, the best math jokes can actually help teach concepts from math lessons. Just think of the possibilities: Students can use these jokes as devices to remember how to solve different math problems!

Here are 101 math jokes for kids to make your lessons more fun. 

Geometry jokes

Geometry jokes

Credit: Andertoons

  • I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday.  I think he must be plotting something.
  • What did the triangle say to the circle?  “You’re pointless.”
What did the triangle say to the circle? #MathPun #Punday pic.twitter.com/aXL4uQ68eE — Children's Choice (@CCPedDent) October 26, 2015
  • How does a mathematician plow fields?  With a pro-tractor.
  • What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree?  Geometry.
  • Parallel lines have so much in common …  It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  • What do you call more than one L?  A parallel!
  • Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?  Because she sprained her angle.
  • I had an argument with a 90° angle.  It turns out it was right.
  • Did you hear about the over-educated circle?  It has 360°!
  • What shape is usually waiting for you inside a Starbucks?  A line.
  • Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles?  Because there’s no point.
  • Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?  Because it’s never right.
  • What do geometry teachers have decorating their floor?  Area rugs!
  • What do mathematicians do after a snowstorm?  Make snow angles!
  • Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven?  The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.
  • Why was math class so long?  The teacher kept going off on a tangent.

Multiplication and division jokes

math homework jokes

Credit: Wrong Hands

  • Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?  The teacher told him not to use tables.
  • Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?  He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • How do you solve any equation?  Multiply both sides by zero.
  • Which tables do you not have to learn?  Dinner tables!
  • Surgeon: Nurse, I have so many patients. Who do I work on first?  Nurse: Simple, follow the order of operations.
  • I met a math teacher who had 12 children.  She really knows how to multiply!
  • Why was the student confused when he went from English class to math class?  Because he was taught that a double negative in English is bad, but in math, it’s a positive.
  • What tool is best suited for math?  Multi-pliers.
  • Why was Mr. Gilson’s class so noisy?  He liked to practice gong division!
  • Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?  It improved di-vision.
  • A father noticed his son was sad coming home from school one day.  “What’s wrong?” The father asked. “I really don’t like long division,” the son answered, “I always feel bad for the remainders.”
  • What’s a swimmer's favorite kind of math?  Dive-ision!
  • Do you know what seems odd to me?  Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.

Counting jokes

A Math funny! #MathJokes #Math pic.twitter.com/myc17VSSd0 — Maryann Capursi (@maryanncapursi) April 1, 2019
  • Do you know what’s odd?  Every other number!
  • Why was six afraid of seven?  Because seven, eight, nine!
  • A talking sheepdog rounds up all the sheep into the pen for his farmer. He comes back and says, “Okay, Chief — all 40 sheep accounted for”.  The farmer says, “But I’ve counted them and I’ve only got 36!” The sheepdog replies, “I know, but I rounded them up.”
  • I hired an odd man to do eight jobs for me.  When I got back, he’d only done jobs one, three, five, and seven.
  • What are ten things you can always count on?  Your fingers.
  • Are monsters good at math?  Not unless you Count Dracula.

math homework jokes

Credit: Thought Catalogue

  • There are three kinds of people in this world.  Those who can count and those who can’t.
  • Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?  Because it had more cents!
  • What did the spelling book say to the math book?  “I know I can count on you!”
  • Why do teenagers always travel in groups of three, five, or seven?  Because they can’t even!
  • What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?  A friend you can count on.
  • Why did the two fours skip lunch?  They already eight!
  • How do you make seven an even number?  Remove the S.

Fraction jokes

  • Which king loved fractions?  Henry the ⅛.
  • There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator…  But only a fraction would understand.
  • How are a dollar and the moon similar?  They both have four quarters!
  • Why did ⅕ go to the masseuse?  Because it was two-tenths!
  • How do we know the fractions, x/c, y/c, and z/c, are all in Europe?  They’re all over c’s!

Statistics jokes

math homework jokes

Credit: Neatorama

  • Have you heard the one about the statistician?  Probably.
  • A statistician got soaking wet trying to cross a river.  He thought he could cross, because it was one-foot deep on average.
  • Why did the student get upset when her teacher called her average?  It was a ‘mean’ thing to say.
  • There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through. One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable at his driving.  The colleague asked, “Why do you always drive so fast through intersections?” To which the statistics teacher responded, “Well, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!”
  • A statistics professor and a math professor worked together on a cookbook.  They called it “Pi A La Mode”.
  • A mathematician sees three people go into a building. Later she sees four people leave. When she is asked how many people are in the building she replies, “Well, if one person enters the house it’ll be empty.”
  • Why is statistics never anyone’s favorite subject?  It’s just average.

math homework jokes

  • Why did Pi get its driver’s license revoked?  Because it didn’t know when to stop.
  • You should never start a conversation with Pi.  It’ll just go on and on forever.

  • What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?  Pumpkin Pi.
  • Mathematician: πr2(Pi r squared).  Baker: No! Pies are round and cakes are square!
  • Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s table?  Sir Cumference. How did he get so round? He ate too many π’s.
  • What’s the official animal of Pi day?  The Pi-thon!

math homework jokes

Credit: ClassHook

  • What do you call two friends who love math?  Algebros.
  • In the expression x3, what do you call 3?  An x-ponent
  • In the expression 𝑦2, what do you call the 2? A 𝑦-ponent.
  • Do you know why seven eight nine?  Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals a day!
  • Why did the boy refuse to drink the water with eight ice cubes in it?  Because it’s too cubed!
  • Why do atheists have trouble with exponents?  They don’t believe in higher powers!
  • Teacher: What is 2n plus 2n?  Student: I’m not sure. That sounds 4n to me.
  • Why do plants hate math?  Because it gives them square roots.
  • Why does algebra make you a better dancer?  Because you can use the algo-rhythm!

Math pun jokes

math homework jokes

Credit: Teepublic

  • Why was the math book so sad?  Because it had so many problems.
  • What is a bird’s favorite type of math?  Owl-gebra.
  • Which snakes are good at math?  Adders.
  • Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?  Because then it would be a foot.
  • Who’s the king of the pencil case?  The ruler.
  • A student asked their teacher if they would have any problems on the upcoming test.  The teacher replied, “I think you’ll have lots of problems on the test.”
  • It’s always a good idea to bring a mathematician camping.  They come prepared with a pair of axis.
  • What shape do you always have to be careful of?  A trap-azoid!
  • I don’t get the point of decimals.  I’m more partial to fractions.
  • I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch.  He could binomials.
  • What did one algebra book say to the other?  “Don’t bother me, I’ve got my own problems.”
  • When you keep missing math class it starts to really add up.
  • What did the bee say when it solved the problem?  “Hive got it!”
  • What’s a math teacher’s favorite season?  SUMmer!
  • Why is math considered to be codependent?  It relies on others to solve its problems.
  • What math problem do German students have trouble answering?  Do you know what the square root of 81 is? 9!
  • What do you call a number that can’t sit still?  A roamin’ numeral!
  • What did the student say about the equation she couldn’t solve?  “This is derive-ing me crazy!”

3 Other ways to keep children interested in class

Class doesn’t have to be a boring experience for students. There are many ways to liven up lessons other than telling corny math jokes.

Here are three teaching strategies you can try to make class fun!

1. Game-based learning

It’s no secret that a lot of kids love video games. Use game-based learning in the classroom to liven up lessons and helps classroom learning align with different children's learning needs .

Game-based learning

Prodigy is a form of game-based learning that is already used by millions of teachers and students around the globe!

Students get to enjoy a magical world with exciting gameplay and learn math at the same time. Most of the time your class won’t even realize they’re taking part in lessons. It’s all part of the game’s immersive world!

Game-based learning joke

Prodigy’s intuitive design allows for instant marking, feedback, and the ability to create a personalized learning experience for each of your students. It's an engaging tool for educators and all in-game educational content is no-cost for students!

Check out Prodigy today to see if it’s right for your classroom!

2. Flipped classroom

A flipped classroom is a personalized learning strategy where homework and lesson times are switched. Students spend time at home going over material such as videos or recordings of lessons. Then they come to class to work through assignments and practice ideas!

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Prodigy Education (@prodigy_math_game)

This means that students come to school prepared to ask questions and get help from their teachers during class time.

This gives students the chance to learn at their own pace. Class time is spent improving knowledge rather than explaining basic concepts for students to work on their own.

3. Genius Hour

The Genius Hour concept gives students a chance to explore topics they’re interested in. Students are responsible for researching a topic, coming up with a project around it, and then presenting it to the class.

As a teacher, you can set aside different amounts of time for your students to work on their passion projects: anything from a couple of hours a month to spare time during the week.

Deadlines aren’t pushed, and creativity blooms when students get to pursue their own projects. During Genius Hour, students are given opportunities to express their passions and take control of their education.

Conclusion: math jokes for kids

Math doesn’t have to be boring. Incorporating the best math jokes into your lessons can make them more fun and memorable!

A study from the National Association of Independent Schools suggests that “by high school, 40 to 60 percent of youth are disengaged.” More importantly, “student engagement is increasingly viewed as one of the keys to addressing problems such as low achievement, boredom and alienation, and high dropout rates.”

Use our list of 101 math jokes to help keep students engaged with lessons...or at the very least to make them laugh!

Create or log into your free teacher account on Prodigy — a game-based learning platform for math that's easy to use for educators and students alike. Aligned with curricula across the English-speaking world, it's used by millions of teachers and students.

Math = Love

Want to add some humor to your math lessons? Whether you’re a math teacher or a student, this comprehensive collection of math jokes will have you laughing and learning in no time.

This math joke collection features math jokes covering the topics of algebra, geometry, arithmetic, trigonometry, and more!

cartoon of two people laughing with text

Math teachers might be especially interested in my free printable math joke of the week poster collection !

Algebra Jokes

Combining like terms jokes.

  • What is 2n plus 2n? I don’t know. It sounds 4n to me.

Logarithm Jokes

  • Why do mathematicians like parks? Because of all the natural logs.
  • What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces? Natural logs.

Polynomial Jokes

  • Why can’t you trust a polynomial to stay the same?  They have too many variables.

Quadratics Jokes

  • How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation? By Completing the Scare
  • What do baby parabolas drink? Quadratic formula

Math Joke: What do baby parabolas drink? Quadratic Formula.

Radical Jokes

  • Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

Conics Jokes

  • Why didn’t the hyperbola feel sick?  It was asymptote-matic.

Miscellaneous Algebra Jokes

  • What do you call friends who love math? Alge-bros
  • What is a bird’s favorite type of math? Owl-gebra
  • Why does algebra make you a better dancer?  Because you can use the algo-rhythm!
  • Do you know who invented algebra? An x-pert.

Geometry Jokes

Shape jokes.

  • What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless!
  • Which triangles are the coldest? Ice-sosceles Triangles
  • Why is the obtuse triangle always upset? It is never right.
  • What do you call a dead parrot? Polygon
  • Why was the mathematician late for work? He took the rhombus.
  • What do you call a crushed angle? A Rectangle (wrecked angle).
  • Who invented the Round Table? Sir Cumference.
  • What’s the one shape you should avoid at all costs? A TRAP-ezoid.
  • Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles?  Because there’s no point.
  • Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle? They were right for each other.
  • What do you call an empty parrot cage? A polygon.
  • Why was the triangle the MVP of the basketball team? It always made three-pointers.
  • What did the witch doctor say after lifting the curse? Hexagon.
  • What shape is usually waiting for you inside a Starbucks?  A line.
  • What geometric shape is lying in wait?  A trapezoid.
  • What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of a mountain? A high-pot-in-use.

Angle Jokes

  • Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach? It was over 90 degrees.
  • What do you call an angle that is adorable? Acute angle
  • What is the best way to pass a geometry test? Know all the angles.
  • Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school? Because she sprained her angle!
  • How do you keep warm in a cold room? You go to the corner because it’s always 90 degrees.
  • Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven?  The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.
  • What do mathematicians do after a snowstorm?  Make snow angles!
  • Did you hear about the overeducated circle? It has 360 degrees!

Parallel and Perpendicular Line Jokes

  • What do you call more than one L? Parallel
  • Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? Because they’ll never meet.
  • What do parallel lines and vegetarians have in common?  They never meat.

Miscellaneous Geometry Jokes

  • What do you call people who like tractors? Pro-tractors
  • What is a math teacher’s favorite tree? Geometry
  • What do geometry teachers have on their floors? Area rugs
  • What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds? A plane cheeseburger.

Math Joke: What do you call people who like tractors? Protractors.

Number Jokes

Exponent jokes.

  • Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it? It’s too cubed.
  • In the expression x 3 , what do you call 3?  An x-ponent
  • Why did seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

Fraction and Decimal Jokes

  • Why was the fraction worried about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.
  • Which king loved fractions? Henry the 1/8.
  • How are a dollar and the moon similar? They both have four quarters.
  • How do we know the fractions, x/c, y/c, and z/c, are all in Europe?  They’re all over c’s!
  • Why do numerators and denominators disagree?  They’ve drawn a line.
  • Why should you never argue with a decimal? They always have a point.

Multiplication and Division Jokes

  • Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor? The teacher told him not to use tables.
  • Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?  It improved di-vision.
  • What’s a swimmer’s favorite kind of math?  Dive-ision!
  • Where should you do your math homework? On a multiplication table .

Roman Numeral Jokes

  • What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A Roamin’ Numeral
  • Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging? X was always ten.

Even and Odd Jokes

  • How can you make seven even? Remove the “s”
  • Why do teenagers travel in groups of three? Because they can’t even.
  • Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
  • Do you know what seems odd to me? Numbers that can’t be divided by two.
  • What happens when you hire an odd-job helper to do 8 jobs? He only does 1, 3, 5, and 7.

Counting Jokes

  • What did the calculator say to the student? You can always count on me.
  • What are ten things you can always count on?  Your fingers.
  • Why should you never mention the number 288? Because it’s two gross.
  • Why did the student trust his abacus? He knew he could always count on it.
  • What do you call a hen who counts her own eggs? A mathema-chicken.

Miscellaneous Number Jokes

  • Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?  He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
  • Why did the two 4’s skip lunch? They already 8!
  • How do you make one vanish? Add a “g” to the beginning.
  • What number can only go up? Your age.
  • Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
  • What number has its own day? Two’s day
  • Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle? Because if you add 4 and 4, you get 8.
  • Why couldn’t the seven and the ten get married? They were under eighteen.
  • What did 2, 3, 5, and 7 have for dinner? Prime Rib.
  • Why is 69 so scared of 70? Because once they fought, and 71.

Math Joke: Do you know what's odd? Every other number.

Statistics Jokes

  • Why did the student get upset when her teacher called her average? It was a “mean” thing to say!
  • Have you heard the one about the statistician?  Probably.
  • Why is statistics never anyone’s favorite subject?  It’s just average.
  • Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing a river? It was three feet deep on average.

Trigonometry Jokes

  • Why couldn’t the angle get a loan? His parents wouldn’t cosine.
  • What do you call a gentleman who spent all the summer at the beach? A tangent.
  • Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party? Just cos.
  • How do deaf mathematicians communicate? Sine language
  • Why was math class so long? The teacher kept going off on a tangent.
  • Why did the math professor divide sin by tan? Just cos.

Calculus Jokes

  • What did the student say about the calculus equation she couldn’t solve?  “This is derive-ing me crazy!”
  • Why don’t math majors throw house parties? Because it’s dangerous to drink and derive.
  • What is the integral of one divided by a cabin?  Log cabin? No, houseboat — you forgot the C.

Holiday Themed Math Jokes

Halloween math jokes.

  • What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi
  • How does a child ghost count? One, Boo, Three

Pi Day Jokes

  • Why should you never start a conversation with pi? It’ll just go on forever.
  • Why did Pi get its driver’s license revoked?  Because it didn’t know when to stop.
  • What’s the official animal of Pi day?  The Pi-thon!
  • What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter? Pi in the sky
  • Why isn’t pi on Twitter? Because 280 characters isn’t enough to express itself.
  • What was Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert? Apple pi.
  • What do you call a mathematician who doubles as a private investigator? Magnum Pi.
  • What’s the math teacher’s favorite dessert? Pi.
  • How many bakers does it take to bake a pi? 3.14.
  • Why shouldn’t you eat too much pi? You’ll end up with a large circumference.
  • What do you get when a bunch of sheep hang out in a circle? Shepherd’s pi.
  • What did pi say in a fight with its brother? You’re being irrational.
  • What’s the best way to visualize infinity? Using a pi chart.
  • What did the mathematicians order at the restaurant on March 14th? Chicken pot pi.
  • What do mathematicians and the Air Force have in common? They both use pi-lots.
  • What’s the best way to serve pi?  A la mode. Anything else is mean.

Measurement Jokes

  • Who’s the king of the pencil case?  The ruler.

Imperial System Jokes

  • Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

Metric System Jokes

  • What do Martians who use the metric system say? “Take me to your liter.”
  • Why was the inchworm angry? He had to convert to the metric system.
  • What do you call a metric cookie? A gram cracker.

Math Teacher Jokes

  • What state has the most math teachers? Math-achusetts

Why do cheapskates make good math teachers? Because they make every penny count.

  • What does a hungry math teacher like to eat? A square meal
  • What is an algebra teacher’s favorite sandwich? Slope-y Joe
  • Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graph paper? They must be plotting something!
  • Did you hear that old math teachers never die? They just lose some of their functions.

Miscellaneous Math Jokes and Math Puns

  • What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm
  • Why was the math book sad? It had a lot of problems.
  • Where do mathematicians go on vacation? Times Square
  • What is a mathematician’s favorite season? Sum-mer
  • What kind of skates does a calculator wear? Figure skates.
  • What adds, subtracts, multiplies, and bumps into light bulbs? A mothematician

How many feet does it take to measure a backyard? 3- because three feet equals one yard.

What tools do you use for math? MultiPLIERS

  • Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
  • What did one math book say to the other? Don’t bother me! I’ve got my own problems.
  • Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
  • Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?  Because it had more cents!
  • Which snakes are good at math?  Adders.
  • What is the butterfly’s favorite subject in school? Mothematics.
  • What’s the best way to get a math tutor? An add!
  • How do mathematicians reprimand their kids? “If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times!”
  • Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.
  • How does a mathematician plow a field?  With a protractor.

Have another favorite math joke? Leave it in the comments!

Tuesday 9th of November 2021

What is an algebra teacher's favorite sandwich? Slope-y Joe!

What did 2, 3, 5, and 7 have for dinner? Prime rib

Sarah Carter

Wednesday 10th of November 2021

The Slope-y Joe one is my new favorite!

Clifford Greenblatt

Friday 29th of October 2021

Must mathematicians cause division to bring about unity? Yes, they half two.

Saturday 30th of October 2021

Grammatical correction of the joke: Must mathematicians cause division to bring about unity? Yes, they halve two.

Kheile Angelo A. Rayo

Sunday 3rd of October 2021

The only answer in that joke displayed in the pic is "why do you wear a belt?"

Friday 17th of September 2021

Do you know what's odd? Every other number!!!

Tuesday 2nd of February 2021

Here's a few math jokes for you. Thanks for all the things you post. I have gotten so many great ideas from you. My students love the math joke of the week!

Wednesday 24th of February 2021

That last one is my favorite! I just added them to the joke page. Thank you for sharing!

110+ Prime Math Jokes for Parents, Teachers, And Kids

When it comes to math jokes, your kids can count on you.

math homework jokes

When kids want to laugh, they rarely turn to their math homework for jokes. But if you’re a math teacher or a parent trying to help your kids (keyword: trying) with their math homework , you know a good laugh is exactly what the doctor ordered. These funny math jokes for kids are proof (get it?) that math can be a great source of humor — and humor, it turns out, might even help with those math skills. Recent studies have shown that laughter helps us to learn new things by reducing anxiety and boosting motivation, participation, perception, memory, and attention.

These math jokes and puns are split into beginner and advanced levels, so you can find the right corny joke for your audience. And if our calculations are correct, these funny math jokes are some of the smartest and easiest-to-remember examples of math humor out there. Whether you’re looking for statistics puns or calculus jokes, odds are we’ve got you covered.

Beginner and Intermediate Math Jokes

  • Why was the math book sad? It had a lot of problems.
  • What did the spelling book say to the math book? “I know I can count on you!”
  • Why did the two fours skip lunch? They already eight!
  • Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
  • What is the butterfly’s favorite subject in school? Mothematics.
  • How do you make time fly? Throw a clock out the window!
  • Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
  • How do you make seven even? Subtract the “S.”
  • Why did seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals a day!
  • What do you get when you multiply a New York City landmark by itself? Times Square.
  • What do you call an adventurous number? A roamin’ numeral.
  • How are a dollar and the moon similar? They both have four quarters!
  • Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.
  • Why was the student upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!
  • Why was the fraction worried about marrying the decimal? Because she would have to convert.
  • Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it’s never right.
  • Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
  • What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A roamin’ numeral.
  • What did one math book say to the other? “Don’t bother me. I’ve got my own problems.”
  • What is a math teacher’s favorite snake? A pi-thon.
  • What do you call the number seven and the number three when they go out on a date? The odd couple (but seven is in his prime).
  • Why was the math teacher suspicious of prime numbers? They were all odd.
  • Why can’t you trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? They must be plotting something.
  • What is a math teacher’s favorite sum? Summer.
  • Which weighs more, 16 ounces of soda or a pound of solid gold? They both weigh the same.
  • Why did the student trust his abacus? She could always count on it.
  • Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.
  • What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.
  • Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.
  • Why are parallel lines so tragic? They have so much in common, but they’ll never meet.
  • Dear Algebra, stop trying to find your x. They’re never coming back — don’t ask y.
  • There are three kinds of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.
  • How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
  • Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.
  • What do you call a tea kettle whistling on the top of a mountain? A high-pot-in-use.
  • Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? She’d stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • Teacher: “Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?” Student: “You told me not to use tables.”
  • After a sheepdog chased all the sheep into the pen, he told the farmer, “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” the farmer replied. “I know,” said the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
  • Why did the triangle make the basketball team? It always made three-pointers.
  • Why did the kid always wear glasses during math class? They improve di-vision.
  • What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o’-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi!
  • A clerk at the butcher shop is 6 feet tall and wears size 10 shoes. What does he weigh? Meat. He works at the butcher’s shop.
  • Why can’t you trust a math teacher? They’re always calculating.
  • Where did the geometry teacher go on vacation? Who knows? All I know is that she’s polygon.
  • What did the math teacher say when his parrot escaped? “Polygon.”
  • Why didn’t the quarter jump off a bridge with the dime? It had more cents.
  • What geometric shape removes spells and curses? A hexagon.
  • Have you ever noticed what’s odd? Every other whole number.
  • What’s the best tool for math? Multipliers.
  • What’s a swimmer’s favorite math? Dive-ision.
  • What do a year and a dollar have in common? They both have four quarters.
  • What’s in charge of geometry? The ruler.
  • What’s the best way to get a math tutor? An add.
  • What’s the most adventurous type of number? Roamin’ numerals.
  • I had an argument with a 90-degree angle. It turns out it was right.
  • What shape is usually waiting for you inside a Starbucks? A line.
  • Do you know what seems odd to me? Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
  • There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
  • What is odd? Every alternate number!
  • Why was 10 very happy when two was not around? Because 10, finally eight.
  • Seven asked nine, “Looks like you have put on some weight?” Nine replied, ‘Yeah, I rounded up.’
  • What are the three types of people in the world? Those who can count and those who can’t.
  • ​​ An odd man was asked to do eight jobs; why did he only do four? He only did jobs one, three, five, and seven.
  • What is the solution to any equation? Multiply both sides by zero.
  • Why are multiplication and division always right? Because they have facts.
  • What kind of math is a fitness instructor best at? Cross multiplication.
  • Why did the square fail its exam? Because of 2D.
  • Which knight created the round table? “Sir Cumference!”

Advanced Math Jokes

  • Pi was fighting with an imaginary number: “Get real,” pi said. “Be rational,” the imaginary number said.
  • What do you call an angle that’s gone through the garbage disposal? A wrecked-angle.
  • A student turned in a blank sheet of paper for his math test, and the teacher asked him why. “It was on imaginary numbers,” he said. “Can’t you see them?”
  • There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator… But only a fraction would understand.
  • What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree? Geometry.
  • How do you get from point A to point B? Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
  • Why should you never mention the number 2,885? Because it’s “two” gross.
  • Why couldn’t the angle get a loan? Its parents wouldn’t cosine.
  • Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river? It was 3 feet deep — on average.
  • I’ll do algebra, and I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!
  • What’s the best way to flirt with a mathematician? Use acute angle.
  • What do baby parabolas drink? Quadratic formula.
  • Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
  • What’s the best way to serve pi? A la mode. Anything else is mean.
  • What do you get when you divide the circumference of the sun by its diameter? Pi in the sky.
  • The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic. But I guess the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.
  • An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and, after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc., extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire, and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Ah, a solution exists!” and then goes back to bed.
  • There are three people applying for the same job at a bank: a mathematician, a statistician, and an accountant. The interviewing committee asks the mathematician one question: “What is 500 plus 500?” The mathematician answers “1,000” without hesitation, and they send him along. Next, they call in the statistician and ask the same question. He thinks for a moment and answers, “1,000… I’m 95% confident.” When the accountant comes in, he is asked the same question: “What is 500 + 500?” He bows and replies, “What would you like it to be?” They hire the accountant.
  • What do you call a mathematician who spent all summer at the beach? A tan gent.
  • What do you call a political party in favor of agriculture? Pro-tractors.
  • What do you call more than one L? A parallel!
  • Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school? Because she sprained her angle.
  • How does a mathematician plow a field? With a protractor.
  • Why was math class so long? The teacher kept going off on a tangent.
  • What did the zero say to the eight? “Nice belt!”
  • Why do teenagers travel in groups of three and fives? Because they can’t even.
  • Why was algebra so easy for the Romans? X was always 10!
  • What English king invented fractions? Henry the 1/8.
  • Why didn’t the hyperbola feel sick? It was asymptote-matic.
  • I would tell you a joke about an infinite line… But it doesn’t have an endpoint.
  • Have you heard the latest stats joke? Probably…
  • What do parallel lines and vegetarians have in common? They never meat.
  • Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you? It’s easy as pi!
  • Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven? The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180 degrees.”
  • Why can’t you trust a polynomial to stay the same? They have too many variables.
  • What was the geometry teacher’s favorite dance? The rhombus.
  • What do you call a 12-inch nose? A foot.
  • Why do numerators and denominators disagree? They’ve drawn a line.
  • What geometric shape is lying in wait? A trapezoid.
  • What do you get when you add 2n to 2n in French? It sounds 4n to me, too.
  • Did you hear about the statistician who drowned in the lake? On average, most of it was over his head.
  • What did the triangle say to the circle? “You’re pointless.”
  • What do you call a student who’s great at algebra? An X-pert.
  • Three statisticians are hunting, and they come upon a deer. The first aims and overshoots. The second undershoots. The third then shouts, “We got him!”
  • Did you hear about the statistician who drowned? The pool was 3 feet deep, on average.
  • What is the integral of one divided by a cabin? Log cabin? No, houseboat — you forgot the C.
  • An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first tells the bartender he’ll have a beer. The second asks for half a beer, and the third requests a quarter. After the barman places two beers in front of all of them, they say, “That’s all you’re giving us?” The bartender says, “Come on, guys. Know your limits.”
  • What do geometry teachers have decorating their floor? Area rugs!
  • What tool is best suited for math? Multi-pliers.
  • A father noticed his son was sad coming home from school one day. “What’s wrong?” The father asked. “I really don’t like long division,” the son answered. “I always feel bad for the remainders.”
  • What’s the official animal of Pi Day? A Pi-Thon!

This article was originally published on May 29, 2019

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60 Math Jokes That Will Make Your Classroom Laugh

By Med Kharbach, PhD | Last Update: November 1, 2023

Math jokes are the topic of our blog post today!

We’ve all been there—staring down a complex equation, scratching our heads over a tricky word problem, or just slogging through the academic ritual that is math homework. But what if we sprinkled in some humor to ease the anxiety and make math more accessible? In today’s post, we’re diving into a treasure trove of math jokes, funny math jokes, and even a few math puns that’ll have you and your students chuckling, if not outright laughing.

Now, you might be wondering, is humor in math class really that important? You bet! According to a research paper published in the Journal of instructional Research , humor can act as an effective pedagogical tool, enhancing the learning environment and improving communication. And it’s not just about the jokes themselves—it’s about creating a more relaxed atmosphere where students feel comfortable making mistakes and asking questions.

So, whether you’re a math teacher looking for some funny math jokes to break the ice or a student hunting for math puns to impress your friends, you’ve come to the right place. Stick around and let’s make math class the highlight of the day!

Related: Inspirational Math Quotes

Here is our list of curated math jokes:

Why was the equal sign so humble?

  • Because it realized it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.

Math Jokes

Why did the math book look sad?

  • Because it had too many problems.

What did the zero say to the eight?

  • “Nice belt!”

Why was the math class so long?

  • Because the teacher kept going off on a tangent.

How do you make one disappear?

  • Add a ‘G’ and it’s gone.

Why did the two fours skip lunch?

  • Because they already ate.

What did one math book say to the other?

  • “Don’t bother me. I’ve got my own problems!”

Why did seven eat nine?

  • Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals a day!

How do you stay warm in a cold room?

  • Stand in the corner—it’s always 90 degrees.

What’s a math teacher’s favorite place in NYC?

  • Times Square.

Math Jokes

Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?

  • Because it was over 90 degrees.

Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?

  • The teacher told him not to use tables.

What is a math teacher’s favorite number?

  • Anything over 89, it means the class passed.

Why was the calculator feeling depressed?

  • Because it felt like just another number in the system.

How do you flirt in math class?

  • Use acute angle.

What’s the best tool to do math?

  • Multi-pliers.

Why did the student wear glasses in math class?

  • To improve di-vision.

What did the triangle say to the circle?

  • “You’re pointless.”network

What’s a math teacher’s favorite season?

Why did the student bring string to math class?

  • To tie one on before he “divided.”

Math Jokes

Why was the fraction apprehensive about dating the decimal?

  • Because they couldn’t find common ground.

Why was the math movie rated R?

  • For graphic content.

What’s a math teacher’s favorite type of tree?

Why did the variable break up with the constant?

  • It found it too predictable.

Why did the student put his homework in the blender?

  • He wanted to make it more “smoothie.”

Why do math teachers love the beach?

  • Because of the natural tan-gents.

What is the world’s longest math problem?

How do you catch a lion in the desert?

  • Use a Cartesian plane.

Why did the math student bring a ladder to the bar?

  • He heard it was highball night.

Math Jokes

What’s the square root of a good time?

  • A party function!

What did the math student say after solving a difficult equation?

  • “That’s sum accomplishment!”

Why did the right angle call in sick?

  • Because it felt 90 degrees.

Why don’t math problems ever solve themselves?

  • Because they always wait for ‘x’ to come back.

What did the math textbook say to the Shakespeare book?

  • “You’ve got too much drama, I’ve got too many problems!”

What do you call an empty parrot cage?

What did the spider do in math class?

  • Created a web of lies.

Why did the students think the math test was a piece of cake?

  • Because it was a cakewalk to find ‘x’.

Why did the two fours skip dessert?

  • Because they were already even.

Math Jokes

What did one algebra book say to the other?

  • “You know, I just can’t figure myself out.”

What is a bird’s favorite type of math?

What’s a math teacher’s favorite place in London?

  • The London A-rye-thmetic.

What did the number 7 say to the number 9?

  • “I’m tired of being in the middle of you two!”

Why did the circle fail the math test?

  • Because it couldn’t get straight to the point.

Math Jokes

Why did the scarecrow become a math teacher?

  • Because he was good at “scaring crows,” or “scare-row.”

What did one wall say to the other wall?

  • “I’ll meet you at the corner!”

What did the 30-degree angle say to the 90-degree angle?

  • “You think you’re so right!”

Why did the two fours break up?

  • Because they had different values.

What is a math teacher’s favorite type of music?

  • Hip-hop-otenuse.

Why did the two variables never meet?

  • Because they always missed each other’s point.

Math Jokes

Why did the dot plot get kicked off the team?

  • It was always spreading out and never concentrated.

What did one equation say to the other equation?

  • “Can you help me solve my problems?”

Why did the math equation look so complicated?

  • Because it had too many parentheses.

What did one parallel line say to the other?

  • “We’ve got so much in common, but we’ll never meet.”

Why do plants hate math?

  • Because they have square roots.

Why did the geometry class create drama?

  • Because they always picked on the angles.

What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?

Why did the three get kicked out of the numbers club?

  • Because it was odd.

Why did the obtuse angle go to therapy?

  • Because it was never understood.

Final thoughts

Sixty math jokes, funny math jokes, and math puns to infuse your classroom with laughter and ease those math anxieties. As we’ve discussed, humor is more than just a way to pass the time or lighten the mood. As highlighted in research , incorporating humor into the classroom can actually make for a more engaging and low-stress learning environment. Math doesn’t have to be a dreaded subject filled with endless equations and proofs; it can be a journey filled with laughter and light-hearted moments too.

Whether you’re a teacher eager to make your lessons more memorable, or a student looking to lighten the mood among classmates, I hope these jokes add a fun twist to your mathematical endeavors.

math homework jokes

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math homework jokes

Meet Med Kharbach, PhD

Dr. Med Kharbach is an influential voice in the global educational technology landscape, with an extensive background in educational studies and a decade-long experience as a K-12 teacher. Holding a Ph.D. from Mount Saint Vincent University in Halifax, Canada, he brings a unique perspective to the educational world by integrating his profound academic knowledge with his hands-on teaching experience. Dr. Kharbach's academic pursuits encompass curriculum studies, discourse analysis, language learning/teaching, language and identity, emerging literacies, educational technology, and research methodologies. His work has been presented at numerous national and international conferences and published in various esteemed academic journals.

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82 Math Jokes That’ll Make “Sum” of Your Students LOL

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!

Math Jokes Feature

Math isn’t necessarily the most exciting subject to teach. You can, however, start class with one of these cheesy math jokes to help lighten the mood and ease any tension for those students who don’t love the subject. And even better, math jokes can help teach math concepts without students even realizing they’re learning! Check out this list of our favorite math jokes for the classroom.

Our Favorite Math Jokes for Kids

1. why is six afraid of seven.

Because seven eight nine!

2. What is the butterfly’s favorite subject in school?

Mothematics.

3. How do you make seven even?

Subtract the “S.”

4. What did the triangle say to the circle?

“You’re pointless.”

5. How are a dollar and the moon similar?

They both have four quarters.

6. What is a math teacher’s favorite season?

7. what’s a swimmer’s favorite math.

Dive-ision.

8. Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?

Because it was over 90 degrees.

9. What is a bird’s favorite type of math?

10. which tables do you not have to learn.

Dinner tables.

11. What did the acorn say when it grew up?

Ge-om-e-try! (Gee, I’m a tree!)

12. Teacher: Why are you turning in a blank sheet of paper?

Student: Because all my answers are imaginary numbers.

13. Student One: I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday.

Student Two: She must be plotting something.

14. What is a math teacher’s favorite snake?

15. what did the zero say to the eight, 16. what do you call an empty parrot cage.

A polygon. (A Polly gone.)

17. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?

Pi in the sky.

18. Why was the equal sign so humble?

He knew he wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.

19. Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles?

Because there’s no point!

20. What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?

A tangent. (A tan gent.)

21. Who invented arithmetic?

Henry the 1/8.

22. Why did the two fours skip lunch?

Because they already 8!

23. What do baby parabolas drink?

Quadratic formula.

24. You know what seems odd to me?

Numbers that can’t be divided by two.

25. What is a math teacher’s favorite vacation destination?

Times Square.

26. What do you call a number that just can’t stand still?

A “roamin'” numeral.

27. Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?

Because it had more cents.

28. Have you heard the latest statistics joke?

29. what do you call friends who love math, 30. i’ll do algebra, i’ll do trig, i’ll even do statistics..

But graphing is where I draw the line!

31. Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?

Because they’ll never meet.

32. Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it’s “two” gross.

33. Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?

Its parents wouldn’t cosine.

34. Why do plants hate math?

Because it gives them square roots.

35. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to say!

36. Did you hear that old math teachers never die?

They just lose some of their functions.

37. How do you keep warm in a cold room?

You go to the corner. It’s always 90 degrees!

38. What did one math book say to the other?

Don’t bother me. I’ve got my own problems!

39. Why is the obtuse triangle always upset?

Because it is never right.

40. A farmer counted 396 cows in his field.

But when he rounded them up, he had 400.

41. Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?

Because she sprained her angle.

42. Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?

It’s too cubed.

43. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?

A high-pot-in-use.

44. What do you call people who like tractors?

Protractors.

45. Why should you never start a conversation with pi?

It’ll just go on forever.

46. What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

47. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

48. Why do teenagers travel in groups of threes and fives?

Because they can’t even.

49. Why was the fraction worried about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

50. There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator …

But only a fraction would understand.

51. Why was math class so long?

The teacher kept going off on a tangent.

52. Are monsters good at math?

Not unless you Count Dracula.

53. Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?

The teacher told him not to use tables.

54. Who started the Round Table?

Sir Cumference.

55. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher?

Use acute angle.

56. What do you call a crushed angle?

A wrecked angle.

57. What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?

“Hex-a-gon.”

58. What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonald’s?

A plane cheeseburger.

59. Why did the math professor divide sin by tan?

60. why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle.

They were right for each other.

61. What’s the one shape you should avoid at all costs?

A TRAP-ezoid.

62. There are three kinds of people in this world.

Those who can count and those who can’t.

63. Why did the Romans think algebra was so easy?

They knew X was always 10!

64. What is 2n plus 2n?

I don’t know. It sounds 4n to me.

65. What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree?

66. what do geometry teachers have decorating their floors, 67. what do you call more than one l.

A parallel.

68. Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven?

The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°.”

69. Did you hear about the overeducated circle?

It has 360 degrees!

70. What’s a swimmer’s favorite kind of math?

Dive-ision!

71. What shape is usually waiting for you inside a Starbucks?

72. what do mathematicians do after a snowstorm.

Make snow angles!

73. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

74. Why was Mr. Gilson’s class so noisy?

He liked to practice gong division.

75. How do you solve any equation?

Multiply both sides by zero.

76. Surgeon: Nurse, I have so many patients. Who do I work on first?

Nurse: Simple. Follow the order of operations.

77. Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?

It improved di-vision.

78. What tool is best suited for math?

Multi-pliers.

79. What 10 things can you always count on?

Your fingers.

80. Why did Pi get its driver’s license revoked?

Because it didn’t know when to stop.

81. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o’-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

82. It’s always a good idea to bring a mathematician camping.

They come prepared with a pair of axis.

Come share your favorite cheesy math jokes in our  WeAreTeachers HELPLINE group on Facebook!

And for more laughs, check out our favorite grammar jokes and science jokes..

Looking for a fun opener for your math class? We gathered more than 80 of the funniest math jokes to help get you started.

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50 Cheesy Science Jokes for the Classroom

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We are concerned that publication of sacral lecture jokes may endanger the respect to math. teachers in freshmen classes. Our excuse for this risky ethnographic research is that the majority of the jokes already exists on the Internet.

Sometimes, people tend to attribute the jokes either to their beloved teachers (Peter Lax is so far the champion) or to  legendary figures as Norbert Wiener or Paul Erdos; similarly, physical jokes are attributed to Albert Einstein or Niels Bohr and geometrical theorems - to Euclid. A number of collected jokes we learned from our professors in Saint-Petersburg. Generally,  attributing the jokes is hopeless. Indeed, the phrasing of the narrator is as important as the essence of the humor (if this essence does exist at all). To our mind, a joke goes to  "public domain" immediately after being created or modified and there should be no authorship in it.  Most of the collected sayings and jokes are repeated in a number of webpages, which makes it difficult to credit a particular Internet source. Instead, we thank all Internet collectors of math. jokes.

Please email us your comments and new stories: [email protected]. Enjoy!

Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination. 

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems" (P. Erdos) Addendum: American coffee is good for lemmas. 

An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care. 

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions. 

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different. -- Goethe 

Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things. -- J. H. Poincare

What is a rigorous definition of rigor? 

There is no logical foundation of mathematics, and G�del has proved it! 

I do not think -- therefore I am not.

Here is the illustration of this principle: One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished. 

A topologist is a person who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut. 

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R Darwin)

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear is like classification of the Universe as bananas and non-bananas. 

A law of conservation of difficulties: there is no easy way to prove a deep result. 

A tragedy of mathematics is a beautiful conjecture ruined by an ugly fact.

Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. 

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives. 

Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.

The actual quote from the Webster dictionary: trillion n syn SCAD, gob(s), heap, jillion, load(s), million, oodles, quantities, thousand, wad(s) 

Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state. (Plato)

The difference between an introvert and extrovert mathematicians is: An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you. An extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes. 

A bit of theology. 

Math is the language God used to write the universe. 

Asked if he believes in one God, a mathematician answered: " Yes, up to isomorphism." 

God is real, unless proclaimed integer.

Medicine makes people ill, mathematics make them sad and theology makes them sinful. (Martin Luther) 

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell. (St. Augustine) 

He who can properly define and divide is to be considered a god. (Plato) 

"God geometrizes" says Plato.

and here is the analytical continuation of this saying:

Physicists defer only to mathematicians, mathematicians defer only to God.

2. A mathematician and ... The following sketches show our dedication to abstract thinking in the most unusual situations and  strong belief in the universality of mathematical methods. Mathematicians are always impatient and intelligent.

A mathematician and a Wall street broker went to races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The mathematician was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the mathematician. "You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed: "I told you, I knew the secret!" "What is your secret?" the mathematician asked. "It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine." "But, three and five is eight," the mathematician protested. "I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally, that my calculation is correct! 3+5=9!" 

A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."

The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..."

"...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret.

"Well," he says, "first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical..." 

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed. 

A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire. Second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person. - They have multiplied, said the biologist. - Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed. - If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded. 

Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?" The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99". The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02". The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!". Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?" Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."  The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it". Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system". Medical Student : "4" All others looking astonished : "How did you know ??" Medical Student : :I memorized it."

A physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time. The physicist chose the fire, which gave humanity the power over matter. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle. "Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked. "Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer." "Yes -- so what?" "Think about it." said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how does it *know*?"

An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener ..." 

A mathematician is asked to design a table. He first designs a table with no legs. Then he designs a table with infinitely many legs. He spend the rest of his life generalizing the results for the table with N legs (where N is not necessarily a natural number). 

Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is pi ?" The engineer said: "It is approximately 3 and 1/7" The physicist said: "It is 3.14159" The mathematician thought a bit, and replied "It is equal to pi". 

(A nutritionist: "Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!" )

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician were asked to hammer a nail into a wall. The engineer went to build a Universal Automatic Nailer -- a device able to hammer every possible nail into every possible wall. The physicist conducted series of experiments on strength of hammers, nails, and walls and developed a revolutionary technology of ultra-sonic nail hammering at super-low temperature. The mathematician generalized the problem to a N dimensional problem of penetration of a knotted one dimensional nail into a N-1 dimensional hyper-wall. Several fundamental theorems are proved. Of course, the problem is too rich to suggest a possibility of a simple solution, even the existence of a solution is far from obvious. 

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. "Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black." "Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black." "No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!" 

A mathematician, scientist, and engineer are each asked: "Suppose we define a horse's tail to be a leg. How many legs does a horse have?" The mathematician answers "5"; the scientist "1"; and the engineer says "But you can't do that!

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything they want to measure it, and have all the time they need. The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume. The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures. And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.

A Mathematician (M) and an Engineer (E) attend a lecture by a Physicist. The topic concerns Kaluza-Klein theories involving physical processes that occur in spaces with dimensions of 9, 12 and even higher. The M is sitting, clearly enjoying the lecture, while the E is frowning and looking generally confused and puzzled. By the end the E has a terrible headache. At the end, the M comments about the wonderful lecture. E: "How do you understand this stuff?" M: "I just visualize the process" E: "How can you POSSIBLY visualize something that occurs in 9-dimensional space?" M: "Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then let N go to 9" 

A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!" 

A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment. The (hungry) mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and his favorite meal, perfectly prepared, is placed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every minute, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the meal." The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I'm not going to go through this. You know I'll never reach the food!" And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist's eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you'll never reach the food?" T he physicist smiles and replies: "Of course! But I'll get close enough for all practical purposes!" 

One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence. The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design. The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it. The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside." 

The physicist and the engineer are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. They yell out for help: "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" 15 minutes later, they hear an echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're in a hot-air balloon!!" The physicist says, "That must have been a mathematician." The engineer asks, "Why do you say that?" The physicist replied: "The answer was absolutely correct, and it was utterly useless." 

Several scientists were asked to prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime.

 Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime. Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime. Just to be sure, try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime... Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an approximation to a prime, 11 is a prime,... Programmer (reading the output on the screen): 3 is a prime, 3 is a prime, 3 a is prime, 3 is a prime.... Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,... Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,... Chemist (or Dan Quayle): What's a prime? Politician: "Some numbers are prime.. but the goal is to create a kinder, gentler society where all numbers are prime... " Programmer: "Wait a minute, I think I have an algorithm from Knuth on finding prime numbers... just a little bit longer, I've found the last bug... no, that's not it... ya know, I think there may be a compiler bug here - oh, did you want IEEE-998.0334 rounding or not? - was that in the spec? - hold on, I've almost got it - I was up all night working on this program, ya know... now if management would just get me that new workstation that just came out, I'd be done by now... etc., etc. ..."

(Two is the oddest prime of all, because it's the only one that's even!)

Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math. department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

A mathematician, an engineer, and a chemist were walking down the road when they saw a pile of cans of beer. Unfortunately, they were the old-fashioned cans that do not have the tab at the top. One of them proposed that they split up and find can openers. The chemist went to his lab and concocted a magical chemical that dissolves the can top in an instant and evaporates the next instant so that the beer inside is not affected. The engineer went to his workshop and created a new HyperOpener that can open 25 cans per second.

They went back to the pile with their inventions and found the mathematician finishing the last can of beer. "How did you manage that?" they asked in astonishment. The mathematician answered, "Oh, well, I assumed they were open and went from there."

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper.

This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humor from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.

A mathematician organizes a lottery in which the prize is an infinite amount of money. When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."

A Mathematician was put in a room. The room contains a table and three metal spheres about the size of a softball. He was told to do whatever he wants with the balls and the table in one hour. After an hour, the balls are arranges in a triangle at the center of the table. The same test is given to a Physicist. After an hour, the balls are stacked one on top of the other in the center of the table. Finally, an Engineer was tested. After an hour, one of the balls is broken, one is missing, and he's carrying the third out in his lunchbox.

A mathematician decides he wants to learn more about practical problems. He sees a seminar with a nice title: "The Theory of Gears." So he goes. The speaker stands up and begins, "The theory of gears with a real number of teeth is well known ..."

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

What is the difference between a Psychotic, a Neurotic and a mathematician? A Psychotic believes that 2+2=5. A Neurotic knows that 2+2=4, but it kills him. A mathematician simply changes the base.

Q: What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in the afterlife? A: A half of an egg! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing.

A physicist has been conducting experiments and has worked out a set of equations which seem to explain his data. He asks a mathematician to check them. A week later, the mathematician calls "I'm sorry, but your equations are complete nonsense." "But these equations accurately predict results of experiments. Are you sure they are completely wrong? "To be precise, they are not always a complete nonsense. But the only case in which they are true is the trivial one where the field is Archimedean..."

A mathematician belives nothing until it is proven A physicist believes everything until it is proven wrong A chemist doesn't care biologist doesn't understand the question.

An engineer and a topologist were locked in the rooms for a day with a can of food but without an opener. At the end of the day, the engineer is sitting on the floor of his room and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open. In the mathematician's room, the can is still closed but the mathematician has disappeared. There are strange noises coming from inside the can... When it is opened and the mathematician crawls out. "Damn! I got a sign wrong..."

A mathematician has spent ten years trying to prove the Riemann hypothesis. Finally, he decides to sell his soul to the devil in exchange for a proof. The devil promises to deliver a proof in the four weeks. Half a year later, the devil shows up again - in a rather gloomy mood. "I'm sorry", he says. "I couldn't prove the hypothesis either. But" - and his face lightens up - "I think I found a really interesting lemma..."

To mathematicians, solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists, solutions are things that are still all mixed up.  

The Evolution of Math Teaching

  • 1960s: A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price. What is his profit?
  • 1970s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price, that is, $8. What is his profit?
  • 1970s (new math): A farmer exchanges a set P of potatoes with set M of money. The cardinality of the set M is equal to 10, and each element of M is worth $1. Draw ten big dots representing the elements of M. The set C of production costs is composed of two big dots less than the set M. Represent C as a subset of M and give the answer to the question: What is the cardinality of the set of profits?
  • 1980s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are $8, and his profit is $2. Underline the word "potatoes" and discuss with your classmates.
  • 1990s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His or her production costs are 0.80 of his or her revenue. On your calculator, graph revenue vs. costs. Run the POTATO program to determine the profit. Discuss the result with students in your group. Write a brief essay that analyzes this example in the real world of economics.

(Anon: adapted from The American Mathematical Monthly, Vol. 101, No. 5, May 1994 (Reprinted by STan Kelly-Bootle in Unix Review, Oct 94)

Top ten excuses for not doing homework:

  • I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
  • Isaac Newton's birthday.
  • I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
  • I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
  • I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
  • I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
  • I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
  • I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
  • I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee.
  • I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
  • I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.

A professor's enthusiasm for teaching precalculus varies inversely with the likelihood of his having to do it.

A student comes to the department with a shiny new cup, the sort of which you get when having won something. He explained: I won it in the MD Math Contest. They asked what 7 + 7 is. I said 12 and got 3rd place!

A mathematician, native Texan, once was asked in his class: "What is mathematics good for?" He replied: "This question makes me sick. Like when you show somebody the Grand Canyon for the first time, and he asks you `What's is good for?' What would you do? Why, you would kick the guy off the cliff". 

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature! "What else do you have?" asks the student. "Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?" The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter. "I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replied "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow." 

Golden rule for math teachers: You must tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, but not the whole truth. 

A math professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

Q:What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples? A:Answer: A senior high school math problem. 

Teacher: Now suppose the number of sheep is x ... Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x ? 

Mathematician U. was a great friend of his five-year old grandson. They discussed everything including math and U. was very proud of the boys math talents. The child went to kindergarten; In two weeks the he ask U.to help with the difficult math problem: "There are four airplanes flying, then two more airplanes join them. How many airplanes are flying now? U. was very disappointed by the simplicity of the problem. "What confuses you?" he asked. The child says: " I know, of course, that 4 + 2 =6, but I cannot figure out what the airplanes have do with this!" 

A lecturer tells some students to learn the phone-book by heart. The mathematicians are baffled: `By heart? You kidding?' The mathematicians are baffled: `By heart? You kidding?' The physics-students ask: `Why?' The engineers sigh: `Do we have to?' The chemistry-students ask: `Till next Monday?' The accounting-students (scribbling): `Till tomorrow?' The laws-students answer: `We already have.' The medicine-students ask: `Should we start on the Yellow Pages?'

Quotes from math students and lecturers 

"The problems for the exam will be similar to the discussed in the class. Of course, the numbers will be different. But not all of them. Pi will still be 3.14159... " 

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, Greens' functions are boring And so are Fourier transforms."

"Sex and drugs? They're nothing compared with a good proof!"

Yeah, I used to think it was just recreational... then I started doin' it during the week... you know, simple stuff: differentiation, kinematics. Then I got into integration by parts... I started doin' it every night: path integrals, holomorphic functions. Now I'm on diophantine equations and sinking deeper into transfinite analysis. Don't let them tell you it's just recreational.

Fortunately, I can quit any time I want.

"He was restless during the days and couldn't sleep at night - always trying to solve his problem. When he had finally done it, he wasn't happy: he calls himself a complete idiot and throws all his notes into the garbage. Then he said, he really enjoyed it."

"Do you love your math more than me?" "Of course not, dear - I love you much more." "Then prove it!" "OK... Let R be the set of all lovable objects..."

4. Seminar semantics, etc. Next passages contain little professional secrets. They reflect the conflict between the dreams of classical clear presentations, the complexity of modern math problems, and the survival tactics of the authors. 

A lecturer: "Now we'll prove the theorem. In fact I'll prove it all by myself."

How to prove it. Guide for lecturers.  

Proof by vigorous handwaving:

Proof by forward reference:

Proof by funding:

Proof by example:

Proof by omission:

Proof by deferral:

Proof by picture:

Proof by intimidation:

Proof by adverb:

Proof by seduction:

Proof by cumbersome notation:

Proof by exhaustion:

Proof by obfuscation:

Proof by wishful citation:

Proof by eminent authority:

Proof by personal communication:

Proof by reduction to the wrong problem:

Proof by reference to inaccessible literature:

Proof by importance:

Proof by accumulated evidence:

Proof by cosmology:

Proof by mutual reference:

Proof by metaproof:

Proof by vehement assertion:

Proof by ghost reference:

Proof by semantic shift:

Proof by appeal to intuition:

Dictionary of Definitions of Terms Commonly Used in Math. lectures.

The following is a guide to terms which are commonly used but rarely defined. In the search for proper definitions for these terms we found no authoritative, nor even recognized, source. Thus, we followed the advice of mathematicians handed down from time immortal: "Wing It."

Professional secrets.

Golden rule of deriving: never trust any result that was proved after 11 PM. 

The professional quality of a mathematician is inversely proportional to the importance it attaches to space and equipment.

Relations between pure and applied mathematicians are based on trust and understanding. Namely, pure mathematicians do not trust applied mathematicians, and applied mathematicians do not understand pure mathematicians. 

How dare of you to think that I am an analyst! 

Some mathematicians become so tense these days that they that they do not go to sleep during seminars. 

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants. -- Isaac Newton

In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with the giants on whose shoulders we stand. -- Gerald Holton

If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders. -- Hal Abelson

Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders. -- Gauss

Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists stand on each other's toes. -- Richard Hamming

It has been said that physicists stand on one another's shoulders. If this is the case, then programmers stand on one another's toes, and software engineers dig each other's graves. -- Unknown

These days, even the most pure and abstract mathematics is in danger to be applied.

The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people.

Interesting Theorem: All positive integers are interesting. Proof: Assume the contrary. Then there is a lowest non-interesting positive integer. But, hey, that's pretty interesting! A contradiction. 

Boring Theorem: All positive integers are boring. Proof: Assume the contrary. Then there is a lowest non-boring positive integer. Who cares!

Discovery. Mathematicians have announced the existence of a new whole number which lies between 27 and 28. "We don't know why it's there or what it does," says Cambridge mathematician, Dr. Hilliard Haliard, "we only know that it doesn't behave properly when put into equations, and that it is divisible by six, though only once." 

Theorem: There are two groups of people in the world; those who believe that the world can be divided into two groups of people, and those who don't. 

There are three kinds of people in the world; those who can count and those who can't. 

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary math, and those who don't.

There really are only two types of people in the world, those that DON'T DO MATH, and those that take care of them.

"The world is everywhere dense with idiots." 

Cat Theorem: A cat has nine tails. Proof: No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails. 

Salary Theorem The less you know, the more you make. Proof:

Q: How do you tell that you are in the hands of the Mathematical Mafia? A: They make you an offer that you can't understand.

The cherry theorem (a puzzle that reminds some of calculus theorems) Q: What is a small, red, round thing that has a cherry pit inside? A: A cherry.

Notes on the horse colors problem

Lemma 1. All horses are the same color. (Proof by induction)

Proof. It is obvious that one horse is the same color. Let us assume the proposition P(k) that k horses are the same color and use this to imply that k+1 horses are the same color. Given the set of k+1 horses, we remove one horse; then the remaining k horses are the same color, by hypothesis. We remove another horse and replace the first; the k horses, by hypothesis, are again the same color. We repeat this until by exhaustion the k+1 sets of k horses have been shown to be the same color. It follows that since every horse is the same color as every other horse, P(k) entails P(k+1) . But since we have shown P(1) to be true, P is true for all succeeding values of k , that is, all horses are the same color.

Theorem 1. Every horse has an infinite number of legs. (Proof by intimidation.)

Proof. Horses have an even number of legs. Behind they have two legs and in front they have fore legs. This makes six legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse. But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity. Therefore horses have an infinite number of legs. Now to show that this is general, suppose that somewhere there is a horse with a finite number of legs. But that is a horse of another color, and by the lemma that does not exist.

Corollary 1. Everything is the same color.

Proof. The proof of lemma 1 does not depend at all on the nature of the object under consideration. The predicate of the antecedent of the universally-quantified conditional 'For all x , if x is a horse, then x is the same color,' namely 'is a horse' may be generalized to 'is anything' without affecting the validity of the proof; hence, 'for all x , if x is anything, x is the same color.'

Corollary 2. Everything is white.

Proof. If a sentential formula in x is logically true, then any particular substitution instance of it is a true sentence. In particular then: 'for all x , if x is an elephant, then x is the same color' is true. Now it is manifestly axiomatic that white elephants exist (for proof by blatant assertion consult Mark Twain 'The Stolen White Elephant'). Therefore all elephants are white. By corollary 1 everything is white.

Theorem 2. Alexander the Great did not exist and he had an infinite number of limbs.

Proof. We prove this theorem in two parts. First we note the obvious fact that historians always tell the truth (for historians always take a stand, and therefore they cannot lie). Hence we have the historically true sentence, 'If Alexander the Great existed, then he rode a black horse Bucephalus.' But we know by corollary 2 everything is white; hence Alexander could not have ridden a black horse. Since the consequent of the conditional is false, in order for the whole statement to be true the antecedent must be false. Hence Alexander the Great did not exist. We have also the historically true statement that Alexander was warned by an oracle that he would meet death if he crossed a certain river. He had two legs; and 'forewarned is four-armed.' This gives him six limbs, an even number, which is certainly an odd number of limbs for a man. Now the only number which is even and odd is infinity; hence Alexander had an infinite number of limbs. We have thus proved that Alexander the Great did not exist and that he had an infinite number of limbs. 

The mathematical theory of big game hunting (Aug-Sept. AMM, 446-447, 1938):

According to statistics, there are 42 million alligator eggs laid every year. Of those, only about half get hatched. Of those that hatch, three fourths of them get eaten by predators in the first 36 days. And of the rest, only 5 percent get to be a year old for one reason or another. Isn't statistics wonderful? If it weren't for statistics, we'd be eaten by alligators!

An insane mathematician gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!!!" Everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one lady stays. The guy comes up to her and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!" The lady calmly answers: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x ."

More advanced and more New York style story:

A constant function and e^x are walking on Broadway. Then suddenly the constant function sees a differential operator approaching and runs away. So e^x follows him and asks why the hurry. "Well, you see, there's this differential operator coming this way, and when we meet, he'll differentiate me and nothing will be left of me...!" "Ah," says e^x , "he won't bother ME, I'm e to the x !" and he walks on. Of course he meets the differential operator after a short distance. e^x : "Hi, I'm e^x " diff.op.: "Hi, I'm d/dy " 

"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again." 

The shortest math joke: let epsilon be < 0

Funny formulas

The limit as 3 goes to 4 of 3^2 is 16 . (For native LaTex speakers: $$\lim_{3 \rightarrow 4} 3^2 = 16$$)

1 + 1 =3 , for sufficiently large one's.

The combination of the Einstein and Pythagoras discoveries: E= m c^2= m ( a^2 + b^2)

2 and 2 is 22

The limit as n goes to infinity of sin (x) /n is 6 . Proof: cancel the n in the numerator and denominator. 

As x goes to zero, the limit of 8 /x is 00 (infinity), then the limit (as x goes to zero) of Z /x is N

Examples of inverse problems:

  • Q: To what question is the answer "9W." A: "Dr. Wiener, do you spell your name with a V?"
  • Q: To what question is the answer "Dr. Livingstone, I presume." A: "What is your full name, Dr. Presume?"

A Neanderthal child rode to school with a boy from Hamilton. When his mother found out she said, "What did I tell you? If you commute with a Hamiltonian you'll never evolve!"

Pope has settled the continuum hypothesis! He has declared that cardinals above 80 have no powers. 

In modern mathematics, algebra has become so important that numbers will soon only have symbolic meaning. 

A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle. 

In the topologic hell the beer is packed in Klein's bottles. 

He thinks he's really smooth, but he's only C^1. 

Moebius strip no-wear belt drive! (Please see other side for warranty details.)

Q: Why couldn't the moebius strip enroll at the school? A: They required an orientation.

Q: What does the 'B' in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? A: Benoit B Mandelbrot

Q: What is the world's longest song? A: "Aleph-nought Bottles of Beer on the Wall." 

Q: Why do Computer Scientists get Halloween and Christmas mixed up? A: Because Oct. 31 = Dec. 25. 

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip? A: To get to the other ... er, um ... 

Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"? A: Because he left a residue at every pole. 

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a banana? A: | elephant | * | banana | * sin(theta) 

Q: What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber.   A: You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

Q: What is a compact city? A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted policemen. 

Two mathematicians are studying a convergent series. The first one says: "Do you realize that the series converges even when all the terms are made positive?" The second one asks: "Are you sure?" "Absolutely!"

Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt!

Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].

"Divide fourteen sugar cubes into three cups of coffee so that each cup has an odd number of sugar cubes in it." "That's easy: one, one, and twelve." "But twelve isn't odd!" "Twelve is an odd number of cubes to put in a cup of coffee..."

A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine. 

Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician? A: Probably.... 

The light bulb problem

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A1: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise. A2: None. A mathematician can't screw in a light bulb, but he can easily prove the work can be done. A3: One. He gives it to four programmers, thereby reducing the problem to the already solved (ask a programmer, how) A4: The answer is intuitively obvious A5: Just one, once you've managed to present the problem in terms he/she is familiar with. A6: In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb. If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb. Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb. Bibliography: [1] Weiner, Matthew P,...

How many mathematical logicians does it take to replace a lightbulb?? None: They can't do it, but they can prove that it can be done.

How many numerical analysts does it take to replace a lightbulb?? 3.9967: (after six iterations).

How many classical geometers does it take to replace a lightbulb?? None: You can't do it with a straight edge and a compass.

How many constructivist mathematicians does it take to replace a lightbulb?? None: They do not believe in infinitesimal rotations.

How many simulationists does it take to replace a lightbulb?? Infinity: Each one builds a fully validated model, but the light actually never goes on.

How many topologists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? Just one. But what will you do with the doughnut?

How many analysts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? Three: One to prove existence, one to prove uniqueness and one to derive a nonconstructive algorithm to do it.

How many Bourbakists does it take to replace a lightbulb: ? Changing a lightbulb is a special case of a more general theorem concerning the maintain and repair of an electrical system. To establish upper and lower bounds for the number of personnel required, we must determine whether the sufficient conditions of Lemma 2.1 (Availability of personnel) and those of Corollary 2.3.55 (Motivation of personnel) apply. Iff these conditions are met, we derive the result by an application of the theorems in Section 3.1123. The resulting upper bound is, of course, a result in an abstract measure space, in the weak-* topology.

How many professors does it take to replace a lightbulb?? One: With eight research students, two programmers, three post-docs and a secretary to help him.

How many university lecturers does it take to replace a lightbulb?? Four: One to do it and three to co-author the paper.

How many graduate students does it take to replace a lightbulb?? Only one: But it takes nine years.

How many math department administrators does it take to replace a lightbulb? None: What was wrong with the old one then??? 

How we do it ...

Aerodynamicists do it in drag.

Algebraists do it by symbolic manipulation.

Algebraists do it in a ring, in fields, in groups.

Analysts do it continuously and smoothly.

Applied mathematicians do it by computer simulation.

Banach spacers do it completely.

Bayesians do it with improper priors.

Catastrophe theorists do it falling off part of a sheet.

Combinatorists do it as many ways as they can.

Complex analysts do it between the sheets

Computer scientists do it depth-first.

Cosmologists do it in the first three minutes.

Decision theorists do it optimally.

Functional analysts do it with compact support.

Galois theorists do it in a field.

Game theorists do it by dominance or saddle points.

Geometers do it with involutions.

Geometers do it symmetrically.

Graph theorists do it in four colors.

Hilbert spacers do it orthogonally.

Large cardinals do it inaccessibly.

Linear programmers do it with nearest neighbors.

Logicians do it by choice, consistently and completely.

Logicians do it incompletely or inconsistently.

(Logicians do it) or [not (logicians do it)].

Number theorists do it perfectly and rationally.

Mathematical physicists understand the theory of how to do it, but have difficulty obtaining practical results.

Pure mathematicians do it rigorously.

Quantum physicists can either know how fast they do it, or where they do it, but not both.

Real analysts do it almost everywhere

Ring theorists do it non-commutatively.

Set theorists do it with cardinals.

Statisticians probably do it.

Topologists do it openly, in multiply connected domains

Variationists do it locally and globally. 

Cantor did it diagonally.

Fermat tried to do it in the margin, but couldn't fit it in.

Galois did it the night before.

M�bius always does it on the same side.

Markov does it in chains.

Newton did it standing on the shoulders of giants.

Turing did it but couldn't decide if he'd finished.

Math and Alcohol don't mix, so... PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE

Motto of the society: Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving

One day, Jesus said to his disciples: "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9." St. Thomas looked very confused and asked St. Peter: "What does the teacher mean?" St.Peter replied: "Don't worry - it's just another one of his parabolas."

Q:What is a proof? A: One-half percent of alcohol. 

Q:What is a dilemma? A: A lemma that proves two results. 

Q: What's nonorientable and lives in the sea? A: Moebius Dick. 

Q: What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice. A: Zorn's Lemon. 

Q: What's purple and commutes? A: An abelian grape. 

Q: What's yellow, linear, normed and complete? A: A Bananach space. 

Q: What's a polar bear? A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform. 

Some say the pope is the greatest cardinal. But others insist this cannot be so, as every pope has a successor.

Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number. 

Q: What does the little mermaid wear? A: An Algebra

Was General Calculus a Roman war hero?

"What's your favorite thing about mathematics?" "Knot theory." "Yeah, me neither."

Noah's Ark lands after The Flood and Noah releases all the animals, saying, "Go forth and multiply." Several months pass and Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?" asks Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there," say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass and Noah checks up on the snakes again. He sees lots of little snakes; everybody is happy. Noah says, "So tell me how the trees helped." "Certainly," reply the snakes. "We're adders, and we need logs to multiply." 

Q: Why didn't Newton discover group theory? A: Because he wasn't Abel. 

In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi. 

How do you prove in three steps that a sheet of paper is a lazy dog? 1. A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane. 2. An inclined plane is a slope up. 3. A slow pup is a lazy dog. 

A geometer went to the beach to catch the rays and became a TanGent. 

Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components. 

A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through the Grand Canyon on a sightseeing tour. The tour guide announces: "On the right of the airplane, you can see the famous Bright Angle Falls." The tourists leap out of their seats and crowd to the windows on the right side. This causes a dynamic imbalance, and the plane violently rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon wall. All aboard are lost. The moral to this episode is: always keep the poles off the right side of the plane.

In 1915, Emma Noether arrived in G�ttingen but was denied the private-docent status. The argument was that a woman cannot attend the University senate (the faculty meetings). Hilbert's reaction was: "Gentlemen! There is nothing wrong to have a woman in the senate. Senate is not a bath." 

After Laplace completed his masterpiece Mecanique Celeste (Mechanics of the Heavens) he presented a copy to his friend Napoleon. Napoleon, who also was a mathematician, after going through the book called in Laplace and said to him: "You have written a book about Mechanics of the Heavens without mentioning God?" Laplace replied: "Sire, I had no need of that hypothesis".

The following problem can be solved either the easy way or the hard way.

Two trains 200 miles apart are moving toward each other; each one is going at a speed of 50 miles per hour. A fly starting on the front of one of them flies back and forth between them at a rate of 75 miles per hour. It does this until the trains collide and crush the fly to death. What is the total distance the fly has flown?

The fly actually hits each train an infinite number of times before it gets crushed, and one could solve the problem the hard way with pencil and paper by summing an infinite series of distances. The easy way is as follows: Since the trains are 200 miles apart and each train is going 50 miles an hour, it takes 2 hours for the trains to collide. Therefore the fly was flying for two hours. Since the fly was flying at a rate of 75 miles per hour, the fly must have flown 150 miles. That's all there is to it.

When this problem was posed to John von Neumann, he immediately replied, "150 miles." "It is very strange," said the poser, "but nearly everyone tries to sum the infinite series." "What do you mean, strange?" asked Von Neumann. "That's how I did it!" 

Another von Neumann quote : Young man, in mathematics you don't understand things, you just get used to them. 

The mathematician S. had to move to a new place. His wife didn't trust him very much, so when they stood down on the street with all their things, she asked him to watch their ten trunks, while she get a taxi. Some minutes later she returned. Said the husband: "I thought you said there were ten trunks, but I've only counted to nine." The wife said: "No, they're TEN!" "But I have counted them: 0, 1, 2, ..." 

N. had the habit of simply writing answers to homework assignments on the board (the method of solution being, of course, obvious) when he was asked how to solve problems. One time one of his students tried to get more helpful information by asking if there was another way to solve the problem. N. looked blank for a moment, thought, and then answered, "Yes". 

In his lecture, ** formulated a theorem and said: "The proof is obvious". Then he thought for a minute, left the lecture room, returned after 15 minutes and happily concluded: "Indeed, it is obvious!" 

A famous mathematician was to give a keynote speech at a conference. Asked for an advance summary, he said he would present a proof of Fermat's Last Theorem -- but they should keep it under their hats. When he arrived, though, he spoke on a much more prosaic topic. Afterwards the conference organizers asked why he said he'd talk about the theorem and then didn't. He replied this was his standard practice, just in case he was killed on the way to the conference. 

A mathematician about his late colleague: " He made a lot of mistakes, but he made them in a good direction. I tried to copy this, but I found out that it is very difficult to make good mistakes. " 

This story is attributed to Professor Lev Loytiansky, the stage is in Soviet Union in thirties or forties.

L. organized the seminar in hydrodynamics in his University. Among the regular attendees there were two men in the uniform, obviously military engineers. They never discussed the problems they were working on. But one day they ask L. to help with a math. problem. They explained that the solution of a certain equation oscillated and asked how they should change the coefficients to make it monotonic. L. looked on the equation and said: "Make the wings longer!" 

Students asked ** to exclude a part of the course from the final exam. ** agreed. Encouraged by the easy success, the students asked to skip another part of the course, and ** agreed again, and then again. However, in the end of the term he did include all this material in the exam. The class loudly complained: "Dr **, you promised us to skip this stuff!" ** answered: "Yes, I did. But I lied!"

Ernst Eduard Kummer (1810-1893), a German algebraist, was sometimes slow at calculations.. Whenever he had occasion to do simple arithmetic in class, he would get his students to help him. Once he had to find 7 x 9. "Seven times nine," he began, "Seven times nine is er -- ah --- ah -- seven times nine is. . . ." "Sixty-one," a student suggested. Kummer wrote 61 on the board. "Sir," said another student, "it should be sixty-nine." "Come, come, gentlemen, it can't be both," Kummer exclaimed. "It must be one or the other."

This anecdote is attributed to Landau (the Russian physicist Lev not the G�ttingen mathematician Edmund).

Landau's group was discussing a bright new theory, and one of junior colleagues of Landau bragged that he had independently discovered the theory a couple of years ago, but did not bother to publish his finding.

"I would not repeat this claim if I were you," Landau replied:  "There is nothing wrong if one has not found   a solution to a  particular problem. However, if one has  found it but does not publish it, he shows  a poor judgment and inability to understand what important is in modern physics". 

A famous mathematician was to give a keynote speech at a conference. Asked for an advance summary, he said he would present a proof of Fermat's Last Theorem -- but they should keep it under their hats. When he arrived, though, he spoke on a much more prosaic topic. Afterwards the conference organizers asked why he said he'd talk about the theorem and then didn't. He replied this was his standard practice, just in case he was killed on the way to the conference.

A mathematician confided That the M"obius band is one-sided And you'll get quite a laugh If you cut one in half 'Cause it stays in one piece when divided.

A mathematician named Klein Thought the M"obius band was divine Said he: If you glue The edges of two You'll get a weird bottles like mine.

There was a young fellow named Fisk, A swordsman, exceedingly brisk. So fast was his action, The Lorentz contraction Reduced his rapier to a disk.

'Tis a favorite project of mine A new value of pi to assign. I would fix it at 3 For it's simpler, you see, Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

If inside a circle a line Hits the center and goes spine to spine And the line's length is "d" the circumference will be d times 3.14159

Pi goes on and on and on ... And e is just as cursed. I wonder: Which is larger When their digits are reversed?

A challenge for many long ages Had baffled the savants and sages. Yet at last came the light: Seems old Fermat was right-- To the margin add 200 pages.

If (1+x) (real close to 1) Is raised to the power of 1 Over x, you will find Here's the value defined: 2.718281...

Integral z-squared dz from 1 to the cube root of 3 times the cosine of three pi over 9 equals log of the cube root of 'e'.

And it's correct, too

This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks). ((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score, plus three times the square root of four, divided by seven, plus five times eleven, equals nine squared and not a bit more.

In arctic and tropical climes, the integers, addition, and times, taken (mod p) will yield a full finite field, as p ranges over the primes.

A graduate student from Trinity Computed the cube of infinity; But it gave him the fidgets To write down all those digits, So he dropped math and took up divinity.

Chebychev said it and I'll say it again: There's always a prime between n and 2n! 

A conjecture both deep and profound Is whether the circle is round; In a paper by Erdo"s, written in Kurdish, A counterexample is found.

(Note: Erdo"s is pronounced "Air - dish") 

Appendix 1 Hiawatha Designs an Experiment

Appendix 2 The Pi story

101 Math Jokes and Puns for Kids (and Everyone Else!)

Who says math can't be fun? Brush up on your geometry while laughing at these funny puns.

pupil writing on the board at elementary school maths class for math jokes

Whether Pi Day registers on your calendar (maybe you’re even making a special pie for the occasion?), or you just can't resist a cheesy math joke at any time of year, we've got more than 100 silly punchlines and wordplays to get you started.

Use these math jokes to entertain your kids at home or in your classroom — or make them roll their eyes and groan. Or pick your favorite math jokes and puns to use as a perfectly punny social media caption for the mathematically inclined. Just how many math jokes should you test out from our list, you might ask? Pi's the limit!

Looking for more inspiration? Check out our compilations of the best jokes for kids and dad-style corny jokes guaranteed to make you smile.

Geometry Jokes

math jokes

  • Why did the obtuse angle jump in the pool? Because it was over 90 degrees.
  • What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree? Geometry.
  • Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? They’ll never meet.
  • What do you call more than one L? A parallel.
  • What did the triangle say to the circle? “You’re pointless.”
  • Why shouldn’t you fight with a 90-degree angle? It’s always right.
  • Why are obtuse angles always so sad? They’re never right.
  • What’s the best way to get a math teacher to like you? Use acute angle.
  • Why was the triangle the MVP of the basketball team? It always made three-pointers.
  • Why wasn't the geometry teacher at school today? Because she sprained her angle.
  • Why couldn’t the angle get a loan? Because his parents wouldn’t cosine.

Algebra Jokes

math jokes

  • Why does algebra improve your dancing skills? Because you can use algo-rhythm.
  • Hey, Algebra, stop trying to find your x. He’s never coming back… don’t ask y.
  • Are you cold? Well, then go to the corner of the room where it's 90 degrees.
  • Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very hard? Because they always knew x was 10.

Multiplication and Division Jokes

math jokes

  • Why did the student wear glasses in math class? To improve di-vision.
  • How can you solve any equation fast? Multiply both sides by 0.
  • Do you know what seems odd to me? Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
  • Where should you do your math homework? On a multiplication table.
  • What’s the best tool to do math? Multi-pliers.
  • What is a math teacher’s favorite place in NYC? Times Square.

Counting Jokes

math jokes

  • Why do teens always travel of groups of three or five? Because they can't even.
  • Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven, eight, nine.
  • Why did seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals every day.
  • Which numbers just won’t sit still? Roamin’ numerals.
  • Why is 69 so scared of 70? Because they fought — and 71.
  • Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
  • What’s two plus two? A math problem, silly.
  • Why did the student trust his abacus? He knew he could always count on it.
  • What do you call a hen who counts her own eggs? A mathema-chicken.
  • Did you know that there are three kinds of people in the world? People who can count and people who can’t.
  • A farmer counted 99 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 100.
  • What did the calculator say to the student? You can always count on me.

Funny Math Puns

math jokes

  • What do you call a group of dudes who love math? Alge-bros.
  • Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with his friend the dime? Because it had more cents.
  • Do you know who invented algebra? An x-pert.
  • Why should you never trust someone writing on graph paper? Because they’re probably plotting something.
  • Did you hear about the over-educated circle? It has 360 degrees.
  • Why was math class so long? The teacher kept going off on a tangent.
  • Who’s in charge of the school supplies? The ruler.
  • Why can’t your nose grow to be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  • How can you make time fly? Throw a clock out a window.
  • What’s the best way to get a math tutor? An add.
  • Why did the two fours skip lunch? They already eight.
  • Have you heard the joke about the statistician? Probably.
  • What do you call a tea kettle boiling at the top of Mount Everest? A high-pot-in-use.
  • Why can’t you trust a math teacher? They’re always calculating.
  • What do you call the guy who spent the summer at the beach? A tan-gent.
  • What do parabola infants drink? Quadratic formula.
  • Why do mathematicians like parks? Because of all the natural logs.
  • What is the butterfly’s favorite subject in school? Moth-ematics.
  • How are a dollar and the moon alike? They both have four quarters.
  • Why was the student upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say.
  • Why was the fraction fretting about marrying a decimal? Because she would have to convert.
  • Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
  • What do you call the number seven and the number three who got married? The odd couple.
  • Which weighs more: 16 ounces of water or a pound of solid gold? They both weigh the same.
  • What did the witch doctor say after lifting the curse? Hexagon.
  • Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing a river? It was three feet deep on average.
  • Why don’t math majors throw house parties? Because it’s dangerous to drink and derive.
  • My perfect partner is the square root of -100 — a perfect 10, but also imaginary.
  • Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots.
  • How do you make seven an even number? Remove the “s.”

math jokes

  • What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.
  • How do mathematicians reprimand their kids? "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times!"
  • Is it true that old mathematicians never die? Yes, they just lose some of their functions.
  • What do you need to grow your trigonometry skills? Square roots.
  • Where do math majors party? In bar graphs.
  • Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.
  • What happens when you put a root beer in a square glass? It just becomes beer.
  • Why should you never speak the number 288? It’s two gross.
  • What happens when you hire an odd-job helper to do 8 jobs? He only does 1, 3, 5, and 7.
  • Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party? Just cos.
  • Why was the math book sad? Because it had so many problems.
  • What’s a math teacher’s favorite season? Sum-mer.
  • Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles? Because there’s no point.
  • Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • Why should you never fight with decimals? They always have a point.
  • What do you call people who are in favor of tractors? Pro-tractors.
  • Three statisticians were out hunting when they spotted an elk. The first statistician took aim but overshot. The second aimed and undershot. The third yelled, "We got him!"

math jokes

  • Why isn’t pi on Twitter? Because 280 characters isn’t enough to express itself.
  • What was Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert? Apple pi.
  • What do you call a mathematician who doubles as a private investigator? Magnum Pi.
  • The mathematician says, “Pi r squared.” The baker says, “No, pies are round. Cakes are square.”
  • What do you get when you cut a jack-o’-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.
  • What’s the best way to serve pi? A la mode. Anything else is just mean.
  • What did you think of the movie America Pi? Meh, I give it 3.14 stars.
  • What's the math teacher's favorite dessert? Pi.
  • How many bakers does it take to bake a pi? 3.14.
  • Why shouldn’t you eat too much pi? You’ll end up with a large circumference.
  • What do you get when a bunch of sheep hang out in a circle? Shepherd's pi.
  • What did pi say in a fight with its brother? You’re being irrational.
  • Did you know this nautical fact? 3.14% of sailors are pi-rates.
  • How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie? 3.14.
  • Why did pi fail its driver’s test? Because it didn’t know when to stop.
  • Why should you never start a conversation with pi? It’ll just go on and on forever.
  • What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter? Pi in the sky.
  • What’s the best way to visualize infinity? Using a pi chart.
  • What kind of snake is a math teacher’s favorite? A pi-thon.
  • What did the mathematicians order at the restaurant on March 14th? Chicken pot pi.
  • What do mathematicians and the Air Force have in common? They both use pi-lots.
  • Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you? It’s just as easy as pi.

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Alesandra is a digital travel and lifestyle journalist based in Los Angeles whose work has appeared in Good Housekeeping , Woman’s Day , Prevention , Insider, Glamour , Shondaland, AFAR, Parents , TODAY and countless other online and print outlets. Alesandra has a masters degree in journalism with an emphasis on cultural reporting and criticism from NYU, and a bachelor’s degree from UC Berkeley. An avid traveler, she trots the globe with her husband and their twins.

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100+ Math Jokes And Puns That'll Arithma-tick Your Funny Bone

math jokes and puns

While some of us were mathletes in school, the rest of us may have failed math quizzes like it was going out of style. The good news is that part of your life is over. However, whether you were a math whiz or the worst, you can look back on those times in your life and laugh . But really, you can literally laugh because we’ve gathered some of the funniest arithmetic cracks we could find. Math may be one of the more serious subjects, but we’ve found several puns that’ll make you giggle. Who would have thought algebra could be so fun?

RELATED : 140+ Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader Questions That Prove You Aren’t

Like nature , math is all around us. It’s responsible for the incredible architecture we have today, and the scientific discoveries made over the years. Where would we be in science if math wasn’t part of chemistry and physics experiments? In school , if math wasn’t your strong suit, that’s OK. These jokes are as easy as pi. So, forget about your old math teacher and those classes of confusion. Pop quizzes can’t hurt you anymore. People have different relationships with arithmetic and if yours wasn’t great, these math jokes and puns may give you a better view. The point is, we could all use math in our lives, even if it’s in the form of a joke.

You thought math was serious business . But turns out, math jokes are totally a thing! These 100+ math jokes and puns really add up, if you know what we mean. Tell them to the kiddos next time they’re frustrated by math homework .

1. What do mathematicians like most about Halloween ?

Pumpkin Pi.

2. What is a mathematician’s favorite season?

3. A talking sheepdog gets all the sheep into the pen for his farmer.

He tells the farmer: “All 70 sheep accounted!”

The farmer says, “But I’ve counted them and I’ve only got 65!”

The sheepdog replies, “Yes, but I rounded them up.”

4. I hired an odd-job man to do 8 jobs for me.

When I got back, he’d only done jobs 1, 3, 5, and 7.

5. What did one decimal say to the other?

Did you get my point?

6. Why do you never serve beer at a math party?

Because you can’t drink and derive.

7. Last night I dreamed that I was weightless. I was like, 0mg.

8. Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the same side.

7. What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree?

A geometry.

8. What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a clock?

Arithma-ticks!

9. I saw Pi fighting with the square root of two the other day.

I told them to stop being so irrational.

10. Have you heard about the mathematical plant?

It has square roots.

11. How many monsters are good at math?

None, unless you Count Dracula.

12. How do you keep warm in a square room?

You go into the corner — it’s always 90 degrees.

13. Did you know that 10 out of 9 people have difficulty with fractions?

14. Scientists have been studying aliens.

They’ve discovered that their weights are paranormally distributed.

15. Why isn’t the number 4 popular?

Because it is 2 square.

16. Why was the math book depressed?

Because it had so many problems.

17. What is a bird’s favorite type of maths?

18. Old mathematicians never die. They just lose some of their functions.

19. What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me.

20. Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

21. What’s a mathematician’s favorite DIY tool?

Multi-plyers.

22. What is the best way to find a math tutor?

23. A student tells his math teacher, “To show you how well I understand fractions, I’ve only done half of my homework.”

24. Which king invented fractions?

Henry the eighth.

25. How many sides does a circle have?

Two – the inside and the outside.

26. Why did I divide sin by tan?

27. Why is the obtuse triangle always failing tests?

Because it is never right.

28. Today I saw the number 6 playing with the square root of -1.

I thought to myself, “How cute — he has an imaginary friend.”

29. Why did the student do her math homework on the floor?

The teacher told her not to use tables.

30. There are 10 types of mathematicians.

Those who know binary and those who don’t.

31. How does a math professor propose to his fiancee?

With a polynomial ring.

32. What did the zero say to the eight?

33. Which snakes are good at math?

34. What do math teachers eat?

Square meals.

35. What did one algebra book say to the other?

Don’t talk to me, I’ve got my own problems.

36. How does a ghost solve quadratic equations?

By completing the scare.

37. How does a mathematician plow fields?

With a pro-tractor.

38. Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

Because it’s too gross.

39. Why did the circle do a flip?

To get in shape.

40. Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?

Its parents wouldn’t cosine.

41. Why did the mathematician get upset when his colleague called him average?

It was a mean thing to say!

42. Why does no one want to go on a double date with 3 and 7?

Because they’re such an odd couple!

43. Why do math teachers take salsa classes?

Because they have algorithm.

44. Math puns are the first sine of madness.

45. How do deaf mathematicians communicate?

With sine language.

46. What does the mermaid wear to math class?

An algae-bra.

47. Old mathematicians never die.

They disintegrate.

48. Without geometry, life would be pointless.

49. Finding area is an integral part of calculus.

50. Why is geometry class so uncool?

Because it’s full of squares.

51.Geometry is so exhausting.

After studying it all day, I’m all out of shape.

52. What do mathematicians do after they admit they were wrong?

Eat a slice of humble Pi.

53. What happens when math teachers retire?

They have to deal with the after math.

54. What did the math teacher say when he changed his career?

It was a miscalculated move.

55. Geometry class feels senseless.

All we do is go in circles.

56. I don’t love math, but I’m partial to fractions.

57. Why did the math book get bad reviews?

It was derivative.

58. Why did the fraction get left out of the math book?

It wasn’t part of the equation.

59. Why is everyone asking the triangle for advice?

It’s a right triangle.

60. Why is the calculus teacher so fair?

They grade on a curve.

61. Why are fractions such good negotiators?

Cos they can reach across the divide.

62. Why was 11 arrested for a crime?

They were the prime suspect.

63. Why are there so many math teacher?

Because they always multiply.

64. Why are bad mathematicians so lonely?

Because they can’t count on their friends.

65. Why does math make plants uncomfortable?

It gives them square roots.

66. Why do math teachers have fireplaces?

Because they love natural logs.

67. Why do mathematicians talk so much?

They keep going off on tangents.

68. What’s a mathematician’s favorite snake?

69. What Yelp rating did the math teaching give the pie shop?

70. Why does the obtuse angle wear shorts and flip flops?

Because it’s over 90 degrees.

71. Which angle is everyone’s favorite?

Acute angle.

72. What’s the dumbest angle?

An obtuse one.

73. Don’t argue with decimals — they always have a point.

74. Algebra — don’t ask us to find your X!

He’s not coming back and don’t ask Y!

75. What did the mathematician say when the witch removed his spell?

76. Who invented the Round Table?

Sir Cumference.

77. Why did the two 4’s not go to the office dinner party?

Because they already ate!

78. What do you call a number that can’t keep still?

A roamin’ numeral.

79. You should never get into a political argument with a circle — there’s just no point!

80. Why did 7 eat 9?

Because he had to eat 3 square meals a day!

81. What surface do mathematicians work on?

On a multiplication table.

82. What is the anarchist’s favorite part of math class?

83. Why should you always wear glasses during math class?

It’s good for division.

84. Did you hear about the mathematician who lost it after he couldn’t stop adding for days?

He had an incremental breakdown.

85. Did you hear about the broke and hungry mathematician?

He could binomial.

86. Why should you never get into an argument with a 90 degree angle?

Because it’s always right.

87. Why is the equal sign so confident?

He knows he isn’t worth more or worth less than anyone else.

88. Why do mathematicians love it when it snows?

They get to make snow angles.

89. There’s 10 things you can always count on — your fingers!

90. Why is no one excited for statistics class?

It’s just so average.

91. Why did the fraction call off their wedding with the decimal?

They didn’t want to convert.

92. What’s the name of the math-loving boyband?

The Algebros.

93. How do you turn root beer into beer?

Pour it into a square cup.

94. Why is Pi not allowed to make speeches?

Because they go on forever.

95. What did the mathematician get arrested for?

An infraction.

96. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

97. Did you hear the joke about the statistician?

98. Did you hear about the statistician who almost drowned?

He thought he could walks across the river because it was 3 feet deep on average.

99. Do you know what’s odd?

An uneven number!

100. Why did the math teacher have so many children?

Because they were so good at multiplying!

101. I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday.

He must be plotting something.

102. 44% of statistics are made up.

103. What did the mathematician say when something went wrong?

104. What shape is usually waiting for you inside a Starbucks?

105. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

This article was originally published on Oct. 7, 2019

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42 Kid-Friendly Jokes About Math and Numbers

What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt! Give your little mathematician something to giggle about with these funny math jokes and puns for kids.

Math might not be inherently hilarious, but all the more reason to find the funny in it! In the name of learning—er, laughing—we collected the silliest and corniest math jokes and tested them on real kids to get their reaction. We also asked them to share a few jokes of their own that "Arithmetic-kled" their funny bone.

The result? This round-up of kid-approved comedy gold!

Whether you're looking for a way to lighten up homework time or you simply have an arithmetic fan on your hands, steal a few of these math jokes and puns. We also rounded up some number jokes that are sure to have your little mathemagicians laughing.

GETTY IMAGES

Funny Math Jokes for Kids

What did the triangle say to the circle? "You're pointless." —Katie, age 8

Are monsters good at math? "No, unless you Count Dracula." —Thomas, age 9

Why didn't the quarter roll down the road with the nickel? Because it had more cents!

Why was the math book crying? "Because it had so many problems." —Suzie, age 5

Why did the student get upset when their teacher called them average? It was a 'mean' thing to say.

Which snakes are good at math? "Adders." —Ben, age 4

What did the calculator tell the student before their math test? Don't worry, you can count on me!

Why is the obtuse triangle always upset? Because it's never right!

How do you maintain heat in a cold room? Head to the corner. It's probably 90 degrees there.

What is a math teacher's favorite sum? "Summer!" —Simon, age 11

What does a math teacher eat on Halloween? Pumpkin Pi!

Who's the king of the pencil case? "The ruler!" —Thomas, age 9

Which knight created the round table? "Sir Cumference!" —Zayed, age 10

Where is a math teacher's favorite vacation spot? Times Square!

What type of math do swimmers prefer? Dive-ision!

What does a math teacher do during a snowstorm? Make snow angles!

Why do plants hate math so much? They get square roots when doing it.

What do you call a group of men who love math? Algebros.

Number Jokes for Kids

Why was six afraid of seven? "Because seven, eight, nine!" —Hudson, age 6

What are ten things you can always count on? Your fingers.

Why do teenagers always travel in groups of three, five, or seven? Because they can't even!

What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!

Which king loved fractions? Henry the eighth.

Why did the two fours skip lunch? "Cus they already 8!" —Claire, age 7

If I had six oranges in one hand and four apples in the other hand, what would I have? Really big hands!

How do you transform seven into an even number? Just remove the "s."

What is three plus four? A math problem.

Do you know why zero and two broke up? Some-ONE got in between.

What's the name for a number that can’t stay in a single place?  A roamin’ numeral.

Math Puns That'll Have Kids Laughing

My math teacher has a piece of graph paper. I think they must be plotting something!

A farmer had 198 sheep but when he rounded them up, he had 200!

There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Numbers that can't be divided by two seem very odd to me.

Never argue with a 90 degree angle. They're always right!

A kid said to his math teacher: To show you how good I am at fractions, I only did half my homework!

Isn't it sad that parallel lines have so much in common, but they'll never actually meet?

Don't ever start a conversation with Pi, because it will never stop!

Did you see the guy who just returned from the beach? He's one tan-gent!

A nose can't be 12 inches long, because it would actually be a foot.

My math teacher must like farming. They're very pro-tractor.

I like wearing glasses when I solve math problems. It improves my di-vision.

The nerdy side isn't so bad. We have Pi for everyone!

Maths Jokes, Puns and Chat-Up Lines

I love maths, and I flipping love jokes and puns, so when you put the two together, I am in heaven. Here you will find a collection of my favourite maths jokes and puns. One for every occasion, even a collection of mathematics chat-up lines for when you meet the girl/boy of your dreams. If you know of a particular maths joke or pun that would fit in like a glove in this collection, please tweet me ( @mrbartonmaths ), and I will give you a shout-out next to your contribution.

I've also included links to some mathematically inspired gifts available on Amazon. If you purchase these by clicking on the links, I will be eternally grateful as it will send a few pennies my way.

General Maths Jokes keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

Thanks to the wonderful work of jokes4us.com for providing some of these.

What did the constipated mathematician do? Worked it out with a pencil!

New York (CNN). At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator. According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in maths decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!"

Teacher, I can't solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one. No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten !

At a press conference held at the White House, president George W. Bush accused mathematicians and computer scientists in the U.S. of misusing classroom authority to promote a Democratic agenda. "Every math or CS department offers an introduction to AlGore-ithms", the president complained. "But not a single one teaches GeorgeBush-ithms..."

Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself !

Algebra Maths Jokes keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

Q: What does the little mermaid wear? A: An algae-bra.

"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?" "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me." "I don't believe that she cheated on you!" "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."

Q: Who invented algebra? A: A Clever X-pert.

Q: What do you call friends who love math? A: algebros

Q: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit? A: By using a cod-ratic inequality.

Q: How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation? A: By completing the scare.

Q: What is a smart bird favorite type of math? A: owl-gebra

Teacher: What is 2n plus 2n? Student: I don't know. It sounds 4n to me. 

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behaviour in her children? A: `If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'

One day Jesus was delivering a sermon to his flock. "The path to the Lord lies at y = x 2 - 4 x + 2 ". A passer-by leans over to Peter and whispers "what's he banging on about?" Peter replies "don't worry, it's just one of his parabolas"

Why did the mathematical tree fall over? Because it had no real roots.

Number Maths Jokes keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He'd stop at nothing to avoid them

I ordered a takeaway from the local Chinese last night. I ordered a 23, a 13, a 31 and a 79. I had to take them back. They tasted odd.

Q: What does the zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt!

Q: Why wont Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it? A: It's too cubed.

Surgeon: Nurse! I have so many patients! Who do I work on first? Nurse: Simple. Use the order of operations.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.

Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle? A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!

Bob the sheepdog was getting the sheep in for Farmer Fred. He completed his task and went bounding over to the Farmer shouting “Farmer Fred, Farmer Fred…. I chased 40 sheep in to the yard for you”. “40 sheep?” queries Farmer Fred. “I’ve only got 37” “I know” says Bob. “I rounded them up”

Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please ? Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!

Geometry Maths Jokes keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach? A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!

Q: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount Everest? A: A high-pot-in-use

Q: What do you call a crushed angle? A: A Rectangle (wrecked angle)

Q: Why wasn't the geometry teacher at school? A: Because she sprained her angle!!

Q: What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds? A: A plane cheeseburger.

Q: Why did I divide sin by tan? A: Just cos. 

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle? A: Your pointless! .

Q: Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach? A: Because it was over 90 degrees.

Q: What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse? A: Hexagon

Q: Who invented the Round Table? A: Sir Cumference.

Q: Which triangles are the coldest? A: Ice-sosceles triangles.

Q: What do you call people who like tractors? A: Protractors

Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle? A: They were right for each other.

Q: Why couldn't the angle get a loan? A: His parents wouldn't cosine

Statistics Maths Jokes keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

Q: Do you already know the latest stats joke? A: Probably...

The mother of already three is pregnant with her fourth child. One evening, the eldest daughter says to her dad: "Do you know, daddy, what I've found out?" "No." "The new baby will be Chinese!" "What?!" "Yes. I've read in the paper that statistics shows that every fourth child born nowadays is Chinese..."

There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it, then slow down again once he'd got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over junctions. The statistics student replied, "Well, statistically speaking, you are far more likely to have an accident at a junction, so I just make sure that I spend less time there."

Three statisticians go hunting. When they see a rabbit, the first one shoots, missing it on the left. The second one shoots and misses it on the right. The third one shouts: "We've hit it!"

Calculus Maths Jokes keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

"Sketching rational functions is a pain in the asymptote!"

Why can't you differentiate a social scientist? Because they have no function.

Q: Why are you drumming on your algebra book with two big sticks? A: Because we are studying log rhythms.

Q: Why do they never serve beer at a maths party? A: Because you can't drink and derive...

Q: Why was the parent function upset with its child? A: It was stretched to its limit.

Two random variables were talking in a bar. They thought they were being discrete but I heard their chatter continuously.

A: "What is the integral of 1/cabin?" B: "log cabin." A: "Nope, houseboat--you forgot the C."

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." The barman pulls out just two beers. The mathematicians are all like, "That's all you're giving us? How drunk do you expect us to get on that?" The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."

Maths Movie Title Puns keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

My wife and I started off this collection of Maths Movie Title Puns, and we would love to see it grow. As you will see from the selection below, the more tenuous the better. Tweet me @mrbartonmaths if you have any to offer and I will happily give you a shout-out.

Sumdog Millionaire

Factor the Future

Divide and Prejudice

Radius of the lost Arc

(Rec)Tangled

The Bourne (Trig) Identity

An Officer and a Tangent-leman

Fatal Subtraction

Quadrilateral Damage

To Kill a Mocking Surd

Apo-cos-lypse Now

Along Came Poly-gon

Credit to my good friend, Chris Holden, for the following:

Sin-set Boulevard

Sum Like it Hot

(Aste)Risky Business

Gradients of the Galaxy

Credit to @rebel_in_black on Twitter for the following:

Deriving Miss Daisy

X (axis) Men

Maths Song Title Puns keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

My wife and I started off this collection of Maths Song Title Puns, and we would love to see it grow. As you will see from the selection below, the more tenuous the better. Tweet me @mrbartonmaths if you have any to offer and I will happily give you a shout-out.

I Surd it Through the Grapevine - Marvin Gaye

Total Ellipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler

A Kite for Sore Eyes - M People

Bat Out of Parallel - Meat Loaf

Only Skew - Yazzo

Beautiful Outlier - Beyonce and Shakira

Arc The Herald Angles Sing - Traditional

Is it Cos I'm Cool? - Mousse T

Opposites Pro-Tract(or) - Paul Abdul

(Rec)Tangled Up in Blue - Bob Dylan

Sec(C) Back - Justin Timerlake

You can call me α – Paul Simon

β It - Michael Jackson

I'll stand by µ – The Prentenders

Man θ – Nelly Furtado

Credit to @MrEdwardsNCS on Twitter for: ArseNul Hypothesis

Maths Football Team Puns keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

I am not sure how much mileage there is in this list of Maths Football Team Puns, but I am willing to try. Again, the more tenuous the better. Tweet me @mrbartonmaths if you have any to offer and I will happily give you a shout-out.

Real Ma-trig

Wigan Quadratic

Integer Milan

Maths Chat-Up Lines keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

I actually used the first of these on my wife when we first met. And we are still together. Just. It takes a special type of someone to respond positively to these classics. Thanks to the wonderful work of jokes4us.com for providing some of these.

I don't mean to be obtuse, but you are a-cute girl

Why don't you be the numerator and I be the denominator and both of us reduce to simplest form?

"Hi, I hear you're good at algebra.....Will you replace my eX without asking Y?"

I don’t like my current girlfriend. Mind if I do a you-substitution? 

Do you like maths? No. Me neither...In fact, the only number I care about is yours.

 My ex-girlfriend is like the square root of -1,.... she's imaginary.

"You must be the square root of -1 because you can't be real."

The derivative of my love for you is 0, because my love for you is constant.

You are one well-defined function.

 Is that an asymptote in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

 I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves

Our love is like dividing by zero.... you cannot define it

My love for you is like a concave function's positive first derivative, because it's always increasing.

In Euclidean geometry two parallel lines never touch ... let's go back to my place and study some non-Euclidean geometry.

Are you the square root of 2? because I feel irrational when I'm around you

Baby you must be a modulus sign, 'cos whenever you wrap your arms round me i always feel positive!

Maths Gifts keyboard_arrow_up Back to Top

The following gifts are ideal for that special someone in your life, and purchasing them via the links below will show your support to this site. Many thanks!

Mathematics Glass Wall-Clock Wall Clock

The Humor Zone

Best Math Jokes And Puns

It’s easy to sum up these math jokes and puns – they’re hilarious! There’s nothing odd about them at all; in fact they’re above average!

Table Of Contents

  • Funny Math Jokes For Kids.
  • Dad Math Jokes.
  • Algebra Math Jokes.
  • Calculus Math Jokes.
  • Math Teacher Jokes.
  • Math Pi Jokes.

Funny Math Jokes For Kids

These cheesy math jokes for kids are suitable for all ages!

“Dad, can you do my math homework for me?”

“No son, it wouldn’t be right.”

“Well, at least you could try.”

What is a math teacher’s favorite superhero?

Four, God of numbers!

What did one math book say to the other math book?

We’ve got a lot of problems.

There are three kinds of people in this world.

Those who are good at math, and those who aren’t.

Which snakes are good at math?

I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math…

I’m glad to know I’m in the other 2%.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school yesterday?

He slept all through math.

If I had to describe myself in three words, I would say…

“Not very good at math.”

Why should you never do math in the jungle?

Because if you add 4+4 you get ate.

I’ve failed in math more times than I can count.

Do you know which knight it was who came up with the Round Table?

Sir Cumference.

What did the student say to his calculator?

I know I can count on you.

What did the triangle say to the circle?

“You’re pointless.”

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven, eight, nine!

Which king loved fractions?

Henry the Eighth.

What do mathematicians do after a snowstorm?

Make snow angles.

Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?

The teacher told him not to use tables.

Why is statistics never anyone’s favorite subject?

It’s just average.

Dad Math Jokes

These corny math jokes work out perfectly as Dad math jokes!

I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!

What are the odds?!

If I had 50 cents for every math exam I failed…

I’d have $8.40.

I support farming and math…

I’m pro-tractor.

The first day of school, I signed up for English, Math, Science, and Geography.

The rest, as they say, is History.

Why should you always wear glasses when doing math?

It helps with division.

What makes some plants better at math than others?

Square roots.

How does a cactus do his math homework?

He uses a cacti-lator.

What do you call a number that won’t sit still?

A roamin’ numeral.

Math is 84% common sense.

The other half is intelligence.

I used to have a hard time differentiating between sine and cosine.

Luckily, it was just a phase.

How does a mathematician plow fields?

With a pro-tractor.

Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles?

Because there’s no point.

Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven?

The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.

Do you know what seems odd to me?

Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.

A talking sheepdog rounds up all the sheep into the pen for his farmer.

He comes back and says, “Okay, Chief – all 40 sheep accounted for.”

The farmer says, “But I’ve counted them and I’ve only got 36!”

The sheepdog replies, “I know, but I rounded them up.”

Why do teenagers always travel in groups of three, five, or seven?

Because they can’t even!

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

But only a fraction would understand.

Why did the boy refuse to drink the water with eight ice cubes in it?

Because it’s too cubed.

I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch.

He could binomials .

These hilarious math puns add up to a lot of laughter!

Puns make me numb…

But math puns make me number.

I have a scary math joke.

But I’m 2 2 to say it.

There’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake:

  • The first kingdom is rich and powerful — filled with wealthy, prosperous people.
  • The second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too.
  • The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, since it’s a valuable resource to own outright.

  • The 1st kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire.
  • The 2nd kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own.
  • The 3rd kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

The night before the big battle:

  • The knights in the 1st kingdom drink and are merry, partying into the late hours of the night.
  • The knights in the 2nd kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink into the late hours of the night.
  • In the 3rd camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

The next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up.

In place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing — the squire from the 3rd kingdom.

And the moral of the story is:

The squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Not all math puns are bad.

What did the group of mathematicians call the band they formed?

Why are obtuse angles always depressed?

Because they’re never right.

Why should you be suspicious of prime numbers.

Because they’re all odd.

What shape is an empty bird cage?

A polly-gone.

Why was the math lesson so long?

Because the teacher kept going off on a tangent.

What do you call an angle that is adorable?

A-cute angle.

Are vampires good at math?

Not unless you Count Dracula.

Why did the two fours skip lunch?

Because they already 8.

What tool is best suited for math?

Multi-pliers.

Why did ⅕ go to the masseuse?

Because it was two-tenths.

What is a bird’s favorite type of math?

Algebra Math Jokes

These algebra math jokes have the right formula for laughter!

Did you hear about the mermaid who liked math?

She wore an algae bra.

A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class.

It was a weapon of math disruption.

I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus…

But graphing is where I draw the line.

Algebra was the easiest subject to learn in Ancient Rome.

Because x was always 10.

Look, algebra, get over her, move on.

Stop asking us to find your x!

What do you call a hen that likes algebra?

Mathmachicken.

If I had a dollar for every time algebra has helped me…

I’d have n dollars.

What do you call an algebra teacher that does magic on the side?

A math-magician.

What is a ghost’s favorite math subject?

Boo-lean algebra.

What did one algebra book say to the other?

“Don’t bother me, I’ve got my own problems.”

Why does algebra make you a better dancer?

Because you can use the algo-rhythm.

Calculus Math Jokes

You’re sure to derive a lot of entertainment from these hilarious calculus math jokes!

Two math professors are sitting in a pub.

“Isn’t it disgusting,” the first one complains, “How little the general public knows about mathematics?

“Well,” his colleague replies, “You’re perhaps a bit too pessimistic.”

“I don’t think so,” the first one replies. “And anyhow, I have to go to the bathroom.”

He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague.

He makes a sign to the pretty, blonde waitress to come over.

“When my friend comes back, I’ll wave you over to our table, and I’ll ask you a question. I would like you to answer: x to the third over three. Can you do that?”

“Sure.” The girl giggles and repeats several times: “x to the third over three, x to the third over three, x to the third over three…”

When the first professor comes back from the washroom, his colleague says, “I still think, you’re way too pessimistic. I’m sure the waitress knows a lot more about mathematics than you imagine.”

He makes her come over and asks her, “Can you tell us what the integral of x squared is?”

She replies, “x to the third over three.”

The other professor’s mouth drops wide open, and his colleague grins smugly when the waitress adds, “…plus C.”

Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

Because you can’t drink and derive.

I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

It was hard to differentiate between them.

When God was integrating Planet Earth, he suddenly recalled his calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

My calculus professor was 16 minutes late for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.

At this rate, he will never be there on time.

Calculus jokes are not at all useless.

They are an integral part of our society.

Dad: You should really take a break from studying calculus all day…

How can you even function?

Did you hear about the math professor who was accused of plagiarizing a calculus textbook?

He claimed it was a derivative work.

Being good at calculus in your later life is like…

The after-math.

I get a better workout by studying calculus between sets.

I’ve found there’s strength in numbers.

You might think my calculus jokes are derivative, but they’re an integral part of me.

What’s the single form of calculus?

Why do atheists have trouble with exponents?

They don’t believe in higher powers.

Math Teacher Jokes

These math teacher jokes are a lesson to us all in hilarity!

A math teacher was arrested today.

In his pocket they found a protractor, a calculator, and ruler.

He was arrested for carrying weapons of math instruction.

My math teacher is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.

He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.

My daughter didn’t like her algebra teacher last year but she really likes her geometry teacher this year.

I’m glad things are shaping up for her.

My calculus teacher had a lisp, but he was brilliant…

A real mathter.

My math teacher took away my rubber band shooter today.

He said it was a weapon of math disruption.

My math teacher said I was an average student.

That was really mean.

The math teacher asked her class, “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”

A student raised his hand and replied, “A drinking problem.”

I’ve decided to become a math teacher, but I’m only going to teach subtraction.

I just want to make a difference.

Why was the math teacher late for class?

She took the rhombus.

Where do math teachers go on vacation?

Times Square.

Don’t go to the tattoo artist that used to be a math teacher.

They really did a number on me.

Why can’t you trust a math teacher holding a graph paper?

She’s definitely plotting something.

A math teacher asked his class, “If you have ten dollars and ask your dad for ten dollars, how many dollars do you have?”

A student replied, “10 dollars.”

The teacher responds, “You don’t know your maths, kiddo!”

To which the student replies, “Well you don’t know my dad!”

Did you hear about the math teacher that was afraid of negative numbers?

He would stop at nothing to avoid them.

Student: What’s infinity?

Math Teacher: Think of a number.

Student: Okay, I’ve got one.

Math Teacher: Good! That’s not it.

I am really grateful to my math teacher in elementary school who taught us how to subtract numbers.

She really encouraged us to make a difference.

Did you hear about the math teacher who was wrongly convicted?

It just didn’t add up.

How can you identify a group of math teachers?

They’re the ones that look like alge-bros.

I’ve noticed that a lot of math teachers don’t want to be mean…

They strive to be above average.

Did you hear about the math teacher who disappeared right in front of his class for 43 seconds?

He went indivisible.

What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?

Math Pi Jokes

You can have your pi and eat it with these funny math pi jokes!

What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?

You get fat. What were you expecting, a pi joke?

I have a hard time understanding pi jokes.

They always seem irrational .

I told my math teacher that ln(-1) = i*pi.

She told me that was neither realistic nor rational.

Who was the roundest knight at the Round Table?

Sir Cumference. He had too much pi.

What do you call a snake that’s 3.14m long?

What is a pumpkin’s circumference divided by a pumpkin’s diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

My Dad is a mathematician and exclusively has cake for dessert…

Because having pi would be too irrational.

I said to my sister, “Did you know there’s a computer currently calculating all the digits of pi?”

She asked, “When did it start?”

I told her, “At 3.”

Not to brag, but I know the first 40000 digits of the expansion of pi.

Just not in the right order.

3.14% of sailors…

Are pi rates.

My friends caught me listening to an audiobook of the digits of pi…

And I never heard the end of it.

My friend asked me how hard it is to calculate the area of a circle.

I told him it’s easy as pi.

I can list every single number that’s in pi.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.

Why is a priest’s favourite number 3.14?

Because they are very pi-ous.

It cost $3.15 for a sandwich.

Would have just been cheaper to get pi.

I don’t understand why people celebrate pi day.

It’s irrational.

Eating too much cake is gluttony, but eating too much pie isn’t a sin.

Because sin pi is always zero.

I never refuse pi.

That would be irrational.

My girlfriend is like a cross between pi and i.

She’s irrational and imaginary.

You should never start a conversation with pi.

It’ll just go on and on forever.

More Kids Jokes

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  • Hilarious Jokes and Funny Pics

Math Jokes For Adults: 55+ Best That Are Actually Funny

These are the best funny math jokes for adults you’ll ever read. Smile with ’em now or regret missing ’em forever.

On this page, you’ll find both short math one liners and longer jokes. All of them are hilarious. Maybe some will say that a few of them are stupid, but I’m sure that all of the jokes here are hilarious. Plus, you’ll find something else related to math and comedy that’s both hilarious and awesome. In short, you’ve come to the right place for math jokes . Math has never been funnier than here on Humoropedia.com.

Table Of Contents

Funny Math Jokes For Adults

Math dad jokes, the funniest math comedy video you’ll ever see, corny math jokes, timmy and his math homework, very funny math jokes: algebra exam, one girlfriend and three unknowns, mathematician about his wife, math joke about a catholic school, joke about wife who was obsessed with mathematics, mathematician applying for the same job as accountant, short math jokes, good math jokes that are actually funny, be awesome and share this hilarious math humor with all your friends, nerdy math jokes, what's your favorite math joke, want more funny jokes.

Math Exam

  • A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.
  • When Noah sends his animals to go forth and multiply, a pair of snakes replies: “We can’t multiply, we’re adders.” So Noah builds them a log table.
  • The physicist says: “The initial measurement was incorrect.” The biologist says: “They must have reproduced.” And the mathematician says:” If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty.”
  • Premise 1: knowledge is power. Premise 2: power corrupts. Conclusion: therefore, knowledge corrupts.
  • Two random variables were talking in a bar. They thought they were being discrete but I heard their chatter continuously.

Funny Math Jokes About Calculator

If you like these funny math jokes for adults , you’ll also like these these hilarious yet corny jokes for adults .

Math Equations

  • Old mathematicians never die. They just disintegrate.
  • When you keep missing math class it starts to really add up.
  • Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing a river? It was three feet deep, on average. If you like this math pun, you’ll also like these really funny river puns .
  • Why should you wear glasses during math class? They say it improves division.
  • Why was the math book so sad? Because it had so many problems.

If you’ve enjoyed these math puns, you’ll also enjoy these 15 best elephant puns .

  • Did you hear about the statistician dad who drowned in lake? On average, most of it was over his head.
  • Why was math class so long? The teacher kept going off on a tangent. If you like this math dad joke, you’ll also like these awesome geometry jokes .
  • How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professor’s voice-mail? The message is: “The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again.”
  • What do parallel lines and vegetarians dads have in common? They never meat.
  • Why do numerators and denominators disagree? They’ve drawn a line.
  • What kind of meals do math teachers eat? Square meals.
  • What kind of tree could a math teacher dad climb? Geometry.

Math Jokes About A Teacher Dad

If you like these math dad jokes you’ve just read, I bet you’ll also like these really funny Russian jokes .

I’m sure you’ll agree that these are the best corny math jokes ever. Please share this page if you agree.

  • “If you had a dollar,” quizzed the teacher, “and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?” “One dollar.” answered Little Timmy. “You don’t know math.” said the teacher. Timmy replied: “You don’t know my daddy.”
  • I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday. I think he must be plotting something.
  • What did one decimal say to the other? Did you get my point?
  • What is the best way to find a math tutor? Place an add.
  • Two statisticians go bird hunting. The first one fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet. The second one fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet. They both give each other a high-five and say: “Got it!”
  • Where do math teachers go on vacation? To Times Square.
  • What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A middle school math problem.
  • What did the calculator say to the math student? You can count on me.
  • What did one algebra textbook say to the other? Don’t bother me. I’ve got my own problems.

Algebra Jokes About Romans

Timmy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a ***ch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a ***ch is nine.”

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”

The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework.”

“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.

“Yes,” he answered.

Infuriated, the mother called Timmy’s teacher the next day and said, “What are you teaching my son in class?”

The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”

The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a ***ch is four?”

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four.”

Four friends have been doing really well in their algebra class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm.

So, when it’s time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend’s birthday party in another city – even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning.

As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over.

They go to the professor’s office and offer him an explanation: “We went to our friend’s birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on back roads, it took hours until we got help.”

The professor nods sympathetically and says: “I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning.”

When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the students start writing.

The first question – five points out of one hundred – is a simple exercise in algebra, and all four finish it within ten minutes. When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one: Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?

“What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?”

“She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me.”

“I don’t believe that she cheated on you!”

“Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns.”

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist are discussing whether it is better to have a wife or a girlfriend.

The physicist says: “A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment.”

The mathematician says: “A wife. You have security.”

The computer scientist says: “Both. When I’m not with my wife, she thinks I’m with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it’s vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me.”

A father who is very concerned about his son’s bad grades in math decides to register him at a Catholic school.

After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: he’s getting “A”s in math.

The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: “Why are your math grades suddenly so good?”

“You know”, the son explains, “when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!”

A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife’s obsession with mathematics.

Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: “Do you love math more than me?”

“Of course not, dear – I love you much more!”

Happy, although skeptical, he challenges her: “Well, then prove it!”

Pondering a bit, she responds: “OK, let epsilon be greater than zero…”

There are three people applying for the same job. One is a mathematician, one is a statistician, and one is an accountant.

The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say: “We have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?” The mathematician, without hesitation says “1000.” The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician.

When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers: “1000… I’m 95% confident.” He is then also thanked for his time and sent on his way.

When the accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: “What is 500 plus 500?” The accountant replies: “What would you like it to be?”

A talking sheepdog gets all the sheep into the pen for his farmer. He comes back and says: “Okay chief, all 40 sheep accounted for.” The farmer says: “But I’ve counted them and I’ve only got 36.” The talking sheepdog replies: “I know, but I rounded them up.”

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9

Which snakes are good at math? Adders.

What is a proof? One-half percent of alcohol.

Why did the circle do a flip? To get in shape.

Which king invented fractions? Henry the eighth.

What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm.

What is a mathematician’s favorite season? Sum-mer.

What is a bird’s favorite type of maths? Owl-gebra.

What does the zero say to the the eight? Nice belt.

Why did the two 4’s skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).

How do you make seven an even number? Take the s out.

What is normed, complete, and yellow? A Bananach space.

How does a mathematician plow fields? With a pro-tractor.

What did the mathematician’s parrot say? A poly “no meal”.

What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean? Mobius Dick.

What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race? 2 Fast 4 U.

How many molecules in a bowl of guacamole? Avocado’s Number.

Continue reading these short math jokes

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? It’s two gross.

  • What happened to the plant in math class? It grew square roots.

How do you call the largest accumulation point of poles? Warsaw.

Have you heard about the mathematical plant? It has square roots.

What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A roamin’ numeral.

Why is the obtuse triangle always upset? Because it is never right.

How many monsters are good at math? None, unless you Count Dracula.

How does a ghost solve quadratic equations? By completing the scare.

Old mathematicians never die. They just lose some of their functions.

Why can’t the number 4 get into the nightclub? Because he is 2 square.

How does a math professor propose to his fiancee? With a polynomial ring.

Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school? Because she sprained her angle.

Why did the mutually exclusive events break up? They had nothing in common.

Why do they never serve beer at a math party? Because you can’t drink and derive.

Don’t you think that these short math jokes you’ve read are actually funny though nerdy?

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? Because it had more cents.

How is an artificial Christmas tree like the fourth root of -68? Neither has real roots.

How do you keep warm in a square room? You go into the corner, where it is always 90 degrees.

What is the definition of a polar bear? A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation.

Why did the student do her math homework on the floor? The teacher told her not to use tables.

I hired an odd-job man to do 8 jobs for me. When I got back, he’d only done jobs 1, 3, 5, and 7.

I saw Pi fighting with the square root of two the other day. I told them to stop being so irrational.

I’m sure you’ll agree that these are the most nerdy math jokes you’ve ever read.

How does mathematician induce good behavior in his children? He says: `I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…’

Today I saw the number 6 playing with the square root of -1. I thought to myself: “How cute – he has an imaginary friend.”

I went into math class today and said to my teacher: “To show you how well I understand fractions, I’ve only done half of my homework.

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.

What do mathematicians eat on Halloween ? Pumpkin Pi.

Why couldn’t the Mobius strip enroll at the school ? They required an orientation.

What did the mathematician say when he finished his Christmas dinner? Root -1 / root 64 (I over 8).

What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work. The philosopher can do without the trash bin.

Funny Math Jokes About Watermelons

Did you enjoy these funny math jokes for adults ? Then please share this page to your favorite social media site now because your friends will definitely thank you.

  • Why was math class so long? The teacher kept going off on a tangent.

Check out awesome Star Wars jokes or funny engineering jokes . You may also enjoy some funny redneck jokes or this huge collection of really funny acronyms .

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150 Math Jokes

Welcome to the world of math jokes, where humor and numbers converge to create laughter and puns that will surely tickle your intellect! Mathematics can be intimidating to some, but these jokes prove that it can also be a source of entertainment and amusement.

From clever wordplay to puns about geometric shapes and mathematical concepts, these jokes playfully highlight the fun side of numbers and equations. So, whether you’re a math enthusiast or just someone looking for a good laugh, prepare yourself for a journey into the realm of math-related humor. Get ready to enjoy a series of rib-tickling puns and clever quips that will add some mathematical spice to your day!

Math Jokes

Top 150 Math Jokes:

  • Why was the math book sad ? Because it had too many problems.
  • Why didn’t the number 4 get into the party ? Because he was 2 square.
  • What’s the best way to woo a math teacher ? Use acute angle .
  • Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
  • Why is the number six scared of seven? Because 7 8 9.
  • Why did the two 4s skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
  • What do you call an empty parrot cage? Polygon.
  • How does a mathematician plow fields? With a pro-tractor.
  • What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree ? A geometry .
  • Why didn’t the number 10 feel unique? It was just another one, followed by nothing.
  • Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach ? Because it was over 90 degrees.
  • Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots.
  • What’s a math teacher’s favorite type of music ? Times tables.
  • What did one algebra book say to the other? Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
  • Why was the math movie rated 18+? Too much graphic content.
  • Why did π break up with √2? Because they thought their relationship was irrational.
  • Why don’t plants like math? It gives them square roots.
  • Why did the angle go to school ? To become an acute one.
  • How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
  • Why was the math lecture so long ? The professor kept going off on tangents.
  • Why was the number π worried about its future? Because it knew it would be irrational and go on and on.
  • Why do mathematicians like airlines? They use Pi-lots.
  • Why did the math student bring a ladder to class? Because he wanted to reach high grades.
  • Why do mathematicians never sunburn? They always use sine block.
  • What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
  • What did the calculator say to the student? You can count on me.
  • Why was the geometry class always tired ? Because they were out of shape.
  • Why did the mathematician refuse to work with negative numbers? He couldn’t find the positives in them.
  • What do you call a group of math teachers with guns ? A division of power.
  • Why do teenagers travel in groups of three, five, or seven? Because they can’t even.
  • How do you teach a donut math? With a torus guide.
  • Why do parallel lines rarely talk? They never meet and have so much in common .
  • Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven? The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”
  • What do you call a number that can’t sit still? A roamin’ numeral.
  • Why did the chicken join a band ? Because it had the drumsticks.
  • Why did the number get pulled over? It couldn’t stay within the lines.
  • What did the fraction say to the decimal? “You’re just not whole.”
  • What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach? A tangent.
  • Why are math books always unhappy? They’re filled with problems.
  • Why did the math teacher go to the beach? He wanted to find a natural tan.
  • Why do programmers get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because Oct31 = Dec25.
  • What do mathematicians do when they’re hungry? They make Pi.
  • Why do mathematicians get Halloween and Christmas mixed up? Because 31OCT = 25DEC.
  • What’s the worst thing about getting hit in the face by pi? It never ends.
  • Why is 6 afraid of 7 in hexadecimal? Because 7 8 9 A.
  • How do you call a one-sided nudie bar? A mobius strip club.
  • Why did the math teacher bring a ladder to school? She wanted to get to the top of the class.
  • What do you call an angle that is adorable? Acute angle.
  • How does a mathematician stop a wild horse ? With a polynomial rope.
  • Why did the integer drown? Because it couldn’t float.
  • Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor ? The teacher said not to use tables.
  • Why did the mathematician stand up during dinner? To get a rounded meal.
  • Why was the statistician happy? Because they found their mode.
  • What do you call a destroyed angle? A rectangle.
  • Why are math tests like a baby ? Because they’re both easy to conceive but hard to deliver.
  • What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest? A high-pot-in-use.
  • How do you seduce a math person? You tell them you’re like a derivative and want to lie tangent to their curves.
  • What’s the favorite type of dance for a mathematician? Square dancing.
  • What do you call friends who love math? Algebros.
  • Why don’t mathematicians go to the beach? Because they can divide sin from cos but can’t get a tan.
  • How do mathematicians catch lions ? They use sine waves.
  • Why did the obtuse triangle go to the party? Because it was never right.
  • Why did the imaginary number turn red ? Because it ran out of real values.
  • Why do mathematicians hate driving during rush hour? There’s too much traffic integration.
  • Why was the number 0 feeling left out? Because it wasn’t in the count.
  • Why was the math class so quiet? Because the kids were doing silent numbers.
  • Why did the decimal go to war against the fraction? Because it wanted to be whole.
  • Why was the equal sign bad at tennis? Because it can’t serve.
  • What do you call a mathematician who spends too much time at the mirror ? A reflection of society.
  • Why did the number 6 feel lonely? Because it was two thirds.
  • What do you call a destroyed angle? A wrecked-angle.
  • Why was the circle so arrogant? It thought it was 360°.
  • Why are mathematicians good at fighting ? They know how to use their fists of math destruction.
  • Why is the number 10 afraid of 7? Because even though it’s smaller, it’s more powerful.
  • How do you know when you’ve found your soul-math? When you feel a connection that’s not just on the surface.
  • Why was the number 5 sick of being in the middle? Because it always felt divided.
  • Why did the algebraic expression go to therapy ? It couldn’t solve its problems.
  • Why do mathematicians prefer rom-coms over action films? They love the simpler plots.
  • What do you call a mathematician’s retirement plan? A sine-cure.
  • Why are the complex numbers always so dramatic? They always have to make it about “i”.
  • How can you tell a math teacher is outgoing? When they like to graph in public.
  • Why did the math book go on a diet ? It had too many extra pounds.
  • Why did the math teacher like the color white? Because it was the sum of all colors.
  • What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date ? An odd couple .
  • Why are people afraid of math? Because of its weapons of math destruction.
  • Why didn’t the number 4 ever get lost? Because it was always in the middle of the road.
  • Why are mathematicians so close to nature? Because they always deal with roots.
  • Why don’t the number 1 and the number 1 get along? Because when they meet, they always end up dividing.
  • Why did the math class get canceled? The teacher had too many problems.
  • Why did the number line refuse to be rational? Because it doesn’t like to be ordered around.
  • Why was the circle always sad? It always felt like it was going in circles.
  • Why was the math problem so confident? It was always right.
  • Why did the math equation break up with its variable? It felt too constrained.
  • Why do mathematicians love the fall ? Because the leaves de-rivative.
  • Why did the number 1 break up with the number 9? Because it wanted to be on top.
  • Why do mathematicians always know how to party? Because they know all the best functions.
  • What do you call a crushed angle? A flat angle.
  • Why do math books never have secrets? Because they always expose their problems.
  • Why did the number go to jail? It couldn’t keep within the lines.
  • Why did the girl number break up with the boy number? She found him too complex.
  • Why did the polynomial go to therapy? Because it couldn’t find its roots.
  • Why did the triangle go to the party alone? Because it didn’t want to be seen with a square.
  • What’s a math teacher’s favorite exercise ? Adding to the conversation, subtracting from the noise.
  • Why are numbers like politicians? Even the negative ones can be positive.
  • Why did the math teacher call the police? She got mugged by a ratio.
  • Why was the number feeling blue ? It was less than zero.
  • What’s a mathematician’s favorite candy ? Pi Tarts.
  • Why did the integer get rejected by the fraction? Because it was too divisive.
  • Why do mathematicians like parks? Because of all the natural logs .
  • What’s a number’s favorite game ? Go fish , they always pair up.
  • Why was the number feeling claustrophobic? It was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
  • Why are fractions the most selfish numbers? Because they always take the larger half.
  • What do you call a king that loves math? A ruler.
  • Why was the negative number so unhappy? It couldn’t find its positive side.
  • What do you call a mathematician who’s been in the sun too long? A tangent.
  • What’s a math teacher’s favorite flower ? The square root.
  • What do you call a snake that works in finance? An adder.
  • Why was the fraction feeling sad? It wasn’t whole.
  • Why did the integer fail the driving test? It couldn’t stay in its lane.
  • Why did the algebraic expression look surprised? It didn’t expect to be simplified.
  • Why did the equation break up with the expression? It wasn’t getting equal attention.
  • Why do mathematicians always have the last laugh? Because they get the point.
  • Why was the math lesson so long? The teacher went off on tangents.
  • What do you call a mathematical snake? A π-thon.
  • What do you call a math magician ? A Fibonacci-ologist.
  • Why did the mathematician bring a compass to the party? He heard there will be pi.
  • Why did the fraction write a letter to the decimal? Because it couldn’t be expressed in another form.
  • Why did the circle break up with the ellipse? It found her too eccentric.
  • Why did the vector break up with the scalar? It said he was directionless.
  • Why did the sine graph and cosine graph start dating ? Because they complement each other.
  • Why was the calculator feeling vulnerable? It felt like everyone was pushing its buttons.
  • Why did the mathematician bring a ladder to school? He wanted to go to the highest degree.
  • Why did the mathematician refuse to work with natural numbers? They were too irrational.
  • Why are seven days without math terrible? Because they make one weak.
  • Why are negative numbers always complaining? They can’t find anything positive in life .
  • What do you call a love triangle in mathematics? A romantic geometry.
  • Why did the number 10 break up with the number 1? Because 10 found someone 10 times better.
  • What is the favorite pastime of twins who love mathematics? Pair-allelograming.
  • What did the math teacher say to the soda ? Stop being so bubbly.
  • Why was the equal sign a good leader? It understood the value of balance.
  • Why did the triangle get a timeout? It wouldn’t stop being obtuse.
  • Why was the fraction feeling out of place at the party? Because everyone else was whole.
  • Why did the circle refuse to be friends with the tangent? Because it kept touching it at different points.
  • Why did the algebraic expression throw a party? It got simplified.
  • Why did the square feel left out? Because all its friends were cool and he was just a square.
  • Why did the math teacher get kicked out of the fruit market? He kept asking for apples and oranges to compare.
  • Why did the zero refuse to play with the other numbers? It didn’t want to be taken for granted.
  • Why was the number line the best dancer? It had all the right moves .
  • Why was the right triangle feeling confident? It knew it was always right.
  • Why did the math problem go to therapy? It had too many variables to solve on its own.

We hope you’ve had a great time exploring the world of math jokes with us. From playful puns about numbers and equations to clever wordplay centered around geometric shapes and mathematical concepts, these jokes remind us that math can be more than just a serious subject—it can be a source of laughter and amusement too.

While some of these jokes may require a bit of mathematical knowledge to fully appreciate, they also serve as a reminder that math is all around us, even in the simplest of things. So the next time you encounter a math problem or see a geometric shape, you might just recall one of these jokes and smile.

Whether you’re a math enthusiast or someone who’s just discovering the lighter side of numbers, we hope these math jokes have brightened your day and added a bit of laughter to your life. Remember, even in the world of mathematics, there’s always room for some good-natured humor and a little playfulness. Keep smiling, keep learning, and keep embracing the beauty of both numbers and laughter!

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math homework jokes

Math Homework Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy was doing his math homework

A first grader is working on his math homework, a little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, “two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight...”, i was listening to my son do his math homework at the kitchen table, i always put my glasses on when doing math homework., little teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in catholic school., mom: "no more tv until you finish your math homework", my friend asked me to assist him with his math homework., little matt is doing his math homework ..., i'll do you like my math homework, what do you get if you leave your math homework outside all night, why did obi-wan not do his math homework, two 5th graders are doing math homework., my daughter showed me her math homework and told me she didn't get arrays., "dad, can you do my math homework for me" "no son, it wouldn't be right.", little johnny joke., an average boy gets home from school and shows his mother his report card., addition's a son of a bitch, a man calls the national security agency..., how do you know if an asian person has robbed your house, how do you know if you've been burglarized by asians, my indian engineering teacher told us this today, little johnny back again..., awesome comeback, jewish kid who is bad at math.

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math homework jokes

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Math Jokes for Kids

Abacus - Math Jokes for Kids, Parents and Teachers

Math jokes for kids, parents and teachers are right here – these funny math jokes are great for school and anyone who enjoys mathematics.

You’ll find jokes about basic math, geometry, calculus, algebra and other subject areas relating to math. There are jokes that young kids will understand, as well as jokes that only those in high school may understand (they’re still kids!).

One of the fun things about math jokes is that it gives parents the chance to talk about a math topic! If they don’t get the joke about pi, then you can explain pi. If they have no idea what a polygon is, then you can show them.

The photo shown is of an abacus, which is an oblong frame with rows of wires or grooves along which beads are slid, used for calculating.

Math jokes are also a great way for teachers to lighten up the mood in the classroom, especially if students are getting frustrated.

Q: What do mathematicians eat on Halloween? A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: Why did the girl wear glasses during math class? A: Because it improves di-vison.

Q: Why did the math book look so sad? A: Because it had so many problems..

Q: What geometric figure is like a lost parrot? A: A polygon.

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin pi

Q: Why do plants hate math? A: Because it gives them square roots.

Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt. (look at the number 8)

Q: Why did the boy eat his math homework? A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Q: Have you heard the latest statistics joke? A: Probably.

Q: What did the acorn say when it grew up? A: Gee, I’m a tree. (geometry)

Q: What was T. rex’s favorite number? A: Eight (ate)

Q: What do you call an empty parrot cage? A: Polygon.

Q: What snakes are good at doing sums? A: Adders (the sum is what you get when you add numbers)

Q: How can you make time fly? A: Throw a clock out the window.

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip lunch? A: They already 8 (ate).

Teacher: What’s 2 and 2? Student: 4 Teacher: That’s good. Student: Good? That’s perfect!

Knock Knock Who’s there? Algy Algy who? Algy-bra

Q: Why did the teacher write the math problem on the window? A: He wanted it to be very clear.

Q: Do you know a statistics joke? A: Probably, but it’s mean

Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because it had too many problems

Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat? A: Square meals

Q: Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor? A: The teacher told him not to use tables.

Q: What is a mathematician’s favorite dessert? A: Pi

Q: How can you make seven even? A: Take away the “S”

Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? A: Because it had more cents.

Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat? A: Square meals!

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite sum? A: Summer.

Q: Why didn’t the two 4’s want to eat dinner? A: Because they already 8.

Q: Why did the student do her multiplication on the floor? A: Because she wasn’t allowed to use tables.

Q. What U.S. state has the most maths teachers? A. Mathachussets.

Q. What did the triangle say to the circle? A: You’re pointless.

Q. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? A: Because then it would be a foot.

Q. Heard about the mathematical plant? A. It has square roots.

Q. What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a clock? A. Mathema-ticks.

Q: What do you call numbera that can’t stay still? A: Roamin’ numerals.

Q. Matt had 60 cookies. He ate 30 of them. What does he have now? A tummy ache.

Q: What was the caterpillar’s favorite school subject? A: Mothematics.

Q. What did the circle say to the rectangle? A: You’re such a square.

Q. What’s the king of the pencil case? A. The ruler.

Q. Which tables don’t students need to study? A. Dinner tables.

Q. What did the math book say to the psychiatrist? A: Please help me, I have problems.

Q. What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a tree? A. Arithma-sticks.

Q. Why was the obtuse angle so upset? A: Because it was never right.

Q. Why was the warlock so bad at math? A: He never knew WITCH equation to use.

Q. What did the algebra book say to the science book? A: Boy, do I have problems!

Q. What did the math book say to the history book? A: You know you can count on me.

math-on-floor-joke

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite season? A: Sum-mer.

Q. What number can only go up? A: Your age.

Q. What did the square say to the old circle? A: Been around long?

Q. Why couldn’t the 6 and 11 get married? A: They were under 18.

Q. What is heavier, a pound of feathers or a pound of cotton? A: Neither, they both weight a pound.

Q. Why shouldn’t you say 288 in school? A: Because it’s two gross. (Hint: 144 is called a gross)

Q. Where do multiplication problems eat breakfast? A: At times tables.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q. Why didn’t the dime roll down the hill with the nickel? A: Because it had more cents.

Q. Why did the math book get poor grades? A: It never did it’s own work.

Q. Why did the right triangle put the air conditioner on? A: Because it was 90 degrees.

Q: If 1 = 5, 2 = 25, 3 = 125, and 4 = 525 – what is 5 equal to? A: 1

Q. What’s black and white and has lots of problems? A: A math test.

Q. Why did the boy keep a ruler under his pillow? A: To see how long he could sleep.

Q. What did the spelling book say to the math book? A: I know I can count on you.

Q. Why was the geometry book so adorable? A: Because it had acute angles.

Q. Why did the student eat her math homework? A: Because she heard it was a piece of cake.

Q. When I ask this question, I want you to answer quickly. How much is 5 plus 3? A: I said I wanted you to answer “Quickly”

Q. How can you make 1 dime equal 20-cents? A: By placing it in front of the mirror.

Q. What table can’t you eat at? A: The multiplication table.

Q. What did the calculator say to the girl? A: I’ll solve all your problems!

Q. What part of your body solves Math problems? A: Your add-em’s apple.

Q. What was the weather like when the right angle went swimming? A: It was 90 degrees.

Q. How many women were born in the year 2008? A: None, only babies were born?

Q. What do inches follow? A: The ruler.

Q: What do you get when you add 4 apples and 2 apples? A: A 2nd grade math problem.

Q. What did the girl say to her math book? A: Some day, you’re going to have to solve your own problems.

Q. Why is glue bad at Math? A: It always gets stuck on the problems.

Q. What’s snack is the most popular among teachers in Maine? A: Whoopie Pi.

Q. Why was the snake so good at math? A: He was an Adder.

Q.How do you make one vanish? A. Add a ‘G’ to the beginning and it’s gone.

Q. What tool do you use in math? A: Multi-plyers.

Q. What kind of tree do math teachers like most? A: Geome-tree

Q. What did the circle tell on the tangent line? A: Because it kept touching him.

Q. What is the most popular dessert for teachers in Georgia? A: Peach pi.

Q. Why was the boy searching for after a rain storm? A: He heard it rained an inch and three quarters — and was looking for the three quarters!

Q. When is a fraction not a fraction? A: When it’s a whole.

Q. What gets bigger the more you take away? A: A hole.

Q. How many times can you take 5 from 25? A: Once. After that, you would be taking 5 from 20.

Q. If you have 50-cents in one pocket and $1 in the other, what do you have? A: Enough to buy ice cream.

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip dinner? A: They already 8.

Q. What is the difference between an old dime and a new nickle? A: 5 cents.

Q. What are ten things you can always count on? A: Your fingers.

Q. What do you get when you cross a person with a calculator? A: Someone you can always count on.

Q. What are 20 things you can always count on? A: Your fingers and toes.

Q. If 2’s company and 3’s a crowd, the what is 4 and 5? A: 4 and 5 is 9.

Q. How do a cows add? A: With cow-culators.

Q: Why don’t you do arithmetic around lions? A: Because if you add 4 and 4 you get ate.

I ate and ate ’til I got sick on the floor. 8 times 8 is 64. Urrp.

Q: Where do math teachers go on New Year’s Eve? A: Times Square

Q: Why did the geometry teacher miss class? A: Because he sprained his angle.

Q. How do cows reach sums? A: By adding one number to an udder one.

Q: What do you call two friends who love math? A: Algebros

Q. How many seconds are there in a year? A: 12 – January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…

Q. Why was 8 not friends with 3? A: Because 3 was odd.

Never search for clean Halloween jokes again – Download them now instead. Get EVERY Halloween joke you’ll ever need right now and access them anytime on your PC, phone, tablet, Kindle or other device – forever! #1 for Parents and Teachers! Great for parties, events, cards and trick-or-treating. Plus you’ll get a fun bonus – Halloween Lunch Box Jokes Printable (30+ Days of Jokes).

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Math Pick Up Lines

100+ Hilariously Clever Math Pick Up Lines

January Nelson

If you’re a math geek, you should use an intelligent pickup line. Sweep your crush off their feet by showing them how knowledgeable you really are. Of course, you might as well show them your funny side, too. Here are the best math pick up lines to share with your crush. It will either make them laugh or blush!

Math Pick Up Lines

  • I memorized the first 300 digits of pi. If you gave me the 7 digits of your phone number, I could memorize them too.
  • What’s your sine?
  • Are you good at math? Can you help me solve for x? X = your number.
  • I less than three you.
  • The square root of all my fantasies is you.
  • My feelings for you have grown exponentially.
  • You are sweeter than 3.14.
  • I am not very good at algebra, but I do know that you and I make 69.
  • I heard you like math, so what’s the sum of U+Me?
  • Why don’t you be the numerator and I be the denominator and both of us reduce to simplest form?
  • Hi, I hear you’re good at algebra… Will you replace my eX without asking Y?
  • I’m like pi baby, I’m really long and I go on forever.
  • I like fractions, do you want to do some with me? I am like a numerator because I like to be on top.
  • Hey girl… Can I call-cu-later?
  • I was supposed to solve for x. I am so glad that I found u instead.
  • You are the square to my root.
  • I’d like to be your math tutor for the night: add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply!
  • Do you like math? No? Me neither. In fact, the only number I care about is yours.
  • Are you a 45-degree angle, because you’re perfect.
  • Are you the square root of -100? Because you’re a solid 10 but too good to be real!

Funny Math Pick Up Lines

  • How can I know 20 digits of Π… And not know the 10 digits of your phone number?
  • I can figure out the square root of any number in less than 10 seconds. What? You don’t believe me? Well, then, let’s try it with your phone number.
  • You make my heart beat faster than an airplane going 200 miles per hour.
  • Girl, I know you like adding numbers, so can you please add yours to my contacts?
  • My love for you is like dividing by zero… It can’t be defined!
  • Without you, I’m like a null set… Empty.
  • I’m more interested in you than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
  • Being myself around you is as easy as pi.
  • Yo girl, I heard you’re good at math… Cause your legs are always divided.
  • What do math and my dick have in common? They’re both hard for you.
  • I wish I was your calculus homework because then I’d be hard and you’d be doing me on your desk.
  • Are you a math teacher because you got me harder than trigonometry.
  • Can I have your significant digits?
  • Your beauty is like Π, never-ending.
  • Give me just a FRACTION of your heart and I will SOLVE all of your problems.
  • I’m sine, you are cosine, let’s make a tangent.
  • Hey girl. If you were a graphing calculator, then I could look at your curves all day long.
  • I wish I was your math homework, then I would be real hard, and you would be doing me all night.
  • Are you the square root of -1? ‘Cause you can’t be real!
  • I’d like to be your derivative… So I could be tangent to those curves.

The Best Math Pickup Lines

  • My love is like a fractal. It goes on forever!
  • I have a math equation for you: you plus me equals awesome.
  • I know my math. And you’ve got one significant figure!
  • You must be a 90º angle. ‘Cause you’re looking right!
  • I hear you don’t like fractions. So will you let me be your other half ?
  • I love you because you’re sweet as Π!
  • Are you √2? ‘Cause I feel irrational around you!
  • I don’t like my current girlfriend… Mind if I do a you-substitution?
  • If you were a function, then you’d be my asymptote ’cause I always tend toward you!
  • My love for you is like an exponential curve. It’s unbounded.
  • Are you a 45º angle? Cause you’re acute-y!
  • If we are both math majors, then why is there so much chemistry between us?
  • Baby, I wish you were x2 and I was x3/3 so I could be the area under your curve.
  • Can I plug my solution into your equation?
  • Wanna couple our equations tonight?
  • You have a fine body. Are you a Mathlete?
  • You may be out of range, yet I would love to show you my domain.
  • You have changed my world to polar coordinates. Complex and imaginary things now have a magnitude and direction.
  • Are you a square? ‘Cause you got all the right angles.
  • Baby, you’re a 9.999999999…but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.

The Most Clever Math Pick Up Lines

  • Girl, I should ask you out, ’cause you can’t differentiate.
  • I sure hope you know set theory, ’cause I wanna intersect and union with you.
  • Hey girl. I wish I were a second derivative, so I could investigate your concavities.
  • Baby, you’re like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems.
  • Huygens’ favorite curves were cycloids, but my favorite curves are yours.
  • The volume of a generalized cylinder has been known for thousands of years, but you won’t know the volume of mine until tonight.
  • I don’t like my current girlfriend, mind if I made a you-substitution?
  • You are as beautiful as 1.618.
  • Your body has the nicest arc length I have ever seen.
  • Are you a square number, because my love for you is exponential!
  • Archimedes cried out “eureka” and ran around naked and filled with joy when he discovered that the volume of a solid can be determined by how much it displaces. Spend more time with me and you will do the same.
  • Can I explore your mean value?
  • Let’s find out if we converge by taking each other to the limit.
  • Wanna expand my polynomial?
  • You have one compact set.
  • My love is defined by an exponential curve, it’s unbounded.
  • My love is like a fractal, it goes on forever.
  • You must be a 90º angle. You are right.
  • My love for you is like 2x, exponentially growing.

Nerdy Math Pick Up Lines

person writing on white paper

  • My love for you is like dividing by zero, it cannot be defined.
  • I wonder what the L’ Hospital’s rule says of the limit when I is over you.
  • If you were sine squared I’d be cosine squared. And together we would be one!
  • I know you like adding numbers. So could you please add yours to my contacts?
  • My love for you is like √(-1). Complex, but not imaginary!
  • I’m not being obtuse, you are acute girl.
  • Why don’t we use some Fourier analysis on our relationship and reduce to a series of simple periodic functions?
  • Hey, baby want to Squeeze my Theorem while I poly your nomial?
  • The derivative of my love for you is 0, because my love for you is constant.
  • How about you come to my place tonight, so I can show you the growth of my natural log?
  • How about I perform a sort on your variables, and you can analyze my performance? If I were sin2x and you were cos2x , together we’d be ONE!
  • Girl, I’d like to instantiate your objects, and access their member variables.
  • If four plus four equals eight, then me plus you equals fate.
  • You do not have to be an expert at math to realize that we make the perfect pair.
  • Girl, I wish you were the Pythagorean theorem  so I can insert my hypotenuse into your legs.
  • My love for you is like the slope of a concave up function because it’s always increasing.
  • You must be the square root of -1 because you can’t be real.
  • My girlfriend right now is simply the square root of negative one because she is imaginary. 
  • In Euclidean geometry two parallel lines never touch, let’s go back to my place and study some non-Euclidean geometry .
  • My love for you is like a concave function’s positive first derivative because it’s always increasing. 

More Math And Science Jokes That Work As Pick Up Lines

  • If you give me your phone number, I’ll tell you on which digit of pi it starts.
  • By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
  • You are my Triangle and I am yours. So, let’s join hands and become a rectangle.
  • For me and you, I can prove that 1+1=<3
  • You are so hot, can we please go someplace where no one Celcius?
  • I was in love with you yesterday. I am in love with you today. So by mathematical induction, I will always love you.
  • My love for you is like e^x, it doesn’t change at any rate!
  • You have got more curves than a triple integral.
  • We fit together like coordinates on an axis.
  • We’re a Cauchy sequence, it’s gonna happen eventually.

January Nelson

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.

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